My name. I've told you I was above the Selection.
* * *
Given my unfortunate condition, it was not unexpected that I withdrew from the competition. It wasn't like I wanted it anyway, so she got the last slot. Of course, if I were her I would give it up - isn't it shameful to get something just because someone else won't have it? - but she isn't me. What does she know about pride? I feel sorry for her, really. She didn't know better.
Weeks turned into months and she represented the English debate team along with Retno and Andika in the real competition. They won with paper-thin score difference against their final opponent. It was satisfying, considering Desiree was the one competing. I'm not saying it could be better if it were me, but for someone like her that kind of result was the best she could achieve. I'm not being biased here; her lack of experience and technique are included in my reasoning.
Long story short, our days returned to the initial stage as if peace were upon us. We met up just for the sake of meeting up, no pressure. But some things changed permanently. Well, you can't unseen the things you've seen.
For some times her presence irritated me like a slight touch to a wounded skin. I didn't mind talking about her because it got me on fire, yet I couldn't stand being in the same room with her. It was not an easy task if I intended to keep Mazmur around. Need I remind you, he's a part of her inner circle. Still, I didn't see why I should stop whatever that was with Mazmur just because I couldn't tolerate Desiree.
On the other hand, it seemed my friends thought I was stupid for carelessly forgetting my mild agoraphobia and were mad at me for awhile. They made me pay by praising her solicitousness during the Selection, her victory and her sweetness. Oh, her sweetness. Don't they remember that too much sweet can make you diabetic? Anyway, it was in these times that I only had Mazmur's company and obliviousness to hold on to.
[M]
