There are people who keep their story to themselves. There are people who don't. I'm the latter. I'm always the latter. Even though I didn't think of them as the best of friends, I told my story with Mazmur to old Asri, Grace, Banyu and Reka. Of course, my story about Desiree was out of the question. I wasn't as foolish as to tell them my suspicion and discomfort toward her. But even so, her name always appeared in our talks. She basically ruined the only favorite time I had with them: the talks.
The talks happen almost routinely at random times. It could be when we were just hanging out. It could be when we were walking from some place to another. The talks are usually about life. Not the heavy things like its value; only the things we enjoy and don't enjoy, the things we face and must confront. Neither are my friends deep nor twisted thinker, so they only come up with daily issues, but that's enough. The talks are the most they could give me. There might be a lot of misunderstandings, but at least we talk.
That afternoon, too, we were talking and lounging at theangkringan near my and Grace's dorm when the talk about Mazmur came up. Grace was just telling us about this guy she was started seeing and I couldn't refrain from mentioning him. Because all of them knew Mazmur while not knowing anything about Grace's new potential boyfriend, the talk smoothly turned to me. . . or should I say, they all suddenly seemed eager to comment on my questionable relationship.
"Are you two going out?" It started out with the basic question.
"Hm, let me see. No, we don't. I guess."
"So he hasn't confessed to you? Then you're not dating," Asri stated.
"Well, duh! Of course they aren't," Reka chuckled.
I was pissed off by his tone. "And why is that?"
"Do you think he would wanna date someone foul-mouthed like you?" He intended it as a friendly joke, and naturally everyone else laughed, but it sounded like he believed in his joke. I bitterly laughed along.
"Yeah, and that fashion sense of yours. . . you might as well be called a fashion terrorist," Grace added.
"And you're not the tiniest bit feminine!" Reka ended his train of his abhorrent comments. Banyu and Asri only exchanged a flat glance.
I laughed aloud and composed myself before asking in the lightest tone I could possibly set, "Am I that undesirable?"
Without thinking, as he always did, Reka replied: "If you want guys to notice you, you should be more gleaming like Desiree."
Right. "And that is like. . ." I deserved further explanation.
"Um, well, I can't explain it, but she has this attractive aura around her. She's so pretty - I mean, look at her dimples! - and she dresses prettily, too. And she is sweet. She was nice to you when you were down at the Selection. Who doesn't like her? Plus, now that she won the English debate competition, she's proven to be brainy."
Please. It was an English debate competition with given themes. Not some kind of scientific and analytical research.
"In case you forget, I was the chosen one," I reminded him.
"Yeah, but - sorry to say this - it wouldn't have this much effect if you had been the one competing. Your look is boring, Na," he said in an abominably self-satisfied fashion. I had the urge to punch him in the face, but I was not that NOT FEMININE, so I managed to only display my disagreeing blank look; mostly because not even one of my supposedly friends defended me. Their silence agreed to Reka's statement.
[M]
