Set against the frenzied world of heavy metal superstardom, Sixx, a talented yet troubled musician and the co-founder of Sixx:A.M., struggles with his unflinching and gripping descent into his drug addiction during the year he plunged to rock bottom...
The neon lights of the Whisky-a-Go-Go had long dimmed, leaving the night awash in a quiet hum. The residue of the show lingered as Sixx felt a mix of nerves and determination as he approached Allen's office. Memories of the past flooded his mind, the countless hours spent honing his craft on the stage of this iconic venue. It was here that he hoped to find the guidance and support he needed to move forward.
Taking a deep breath, Sixx knocked on Allen's door. The door creaked open, revealing a familiar face framed by walls adorned with rock 'n' roll memorabilia. Allen looked up, surprise and curiosity etched on his features as he recognised Sixx.
"You're still here," Allen said, his voice tinged with a mix of curiosity. "Thought you might've gone home."
Summoning his courage, Sixx stepped into the office and took a seat. He looked at Allen in the eyes, his gaze steady and resolute.
"I actually wanted to talk to you," Sixx began, his voice carrying a raw edge. "About why I wanted to do this, you know, be a rockstar."
Allen, seated behind his cluttered desk, regarded Sixx with a knowing expression. Sixx leaned against the doorframe, his gaze fixed somewhere between memory and the present.
"I thought being up there, in the lights, the chaos... it would make me feel alive. Like I mattered," Sixx confessed, his voice carrying the weight of years of aspiration or struggle. "But lately, it's like... I don't know who I am anymore. It's just chaos."
Allen's eyes softened with empathy as he listened. After a few seconds, he broke the silence.
"You know, buying the Whisky wasn't easy for me," he reflected, his gaze focused on the stage from the windows. "I had to scrape together every penny, convince people to invest in the place, and work my ass off to keep it running. A lot of struggles, a lot of setbacks. But this place, it became something we believed in our dreams."
Sixx absorbed Allen's words, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders. He nodded, gratitude shining in his eyes.
"But here's what I want you to know, Sixx," Allen's tone softened, reaching out to Sixx. "Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it's an act of strength. It takes courage to acknowledge your struggles and reach out to others. You don't have to carry this burden alone. But I'm proud of you for taking this step."
Sixx's shoulders sagged with a mix of relief and apprehension.
"I know this place won't be the same without me," he sighed, his grip on his bass guitar tightened.
Allen's expression softened, understanding the gravity of Sixx's decision.
"No, it won't. But it will always be a part of you," Allen assured him, his voice filled with wisdom and compassion. "And who knows, maybe you'll find your way back here, stronger than ever. But you gotta remember, the path you're on, the dream you're chasing, it's not just about the highs. It's about enduring the lows, too. It's about facing your demons, channelling your pain into something beautiful, and finding healing through your art. That's what makes a real rockstar."
🎵
January 2nd, 2008: 3 days ago...
You know what I like about hospitals? They don't need to know how good of a person you are to take care of you. They don't need to know what's going on in your head before they wrap a bandage around your arm.
People like that are rare.
The doctor put Allen in touch with a rehab centre that might have an open bed early next week. Told me to stay strong. Allen is one of those rare people, but maybe that's 'cause he's my boss.
I don't remember everything I said to Rae. I wish I could say I didn't mean any of it. Is that true? I mean, I thought it.
I felt it.
I said it.
That I regret. Really fucking regret.
I'm sure most people would say the world would be a better place without me. I don't disagree. I've been trying to leave it for as long as I can remember. Rae is also one of those rare people. The strange thing is, I bet most people would say the same thing about her.
If I am being honest about who I am, I'm a liar, a thief. I'm violent, abusive, manipulative. And even if I got clean today, no one would forget the trauma of me not being clean.
But I really regret what I said to Rae.
Reducing someone's life to a moment, an ugly moment, punishing them for it. That's what cops do. It's actually what everyone does. It's what you would do to me if you didn't know me.
Anyway, I should talk to Rae and apologise.
The night before Sixx left for the rehab centre, he noticed Rae packing his belongings in one of her suitcases and holding his hoodie close to her chest. The sight of her on the verge of breaking down tugged at his heart. He realised the toll his addiction had taken on her and how much pain he had caused. The memory of him choking her against a wall and seeing her tear-stained face and petrified eyes was enough to make him kick himself.
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Feeling a deep sense of remorse and empathy, Sixx reached out and pulled Rae into a tight hug, tears welling in his eyes. He held her gently, trying to convey through the embrace that he understood the weight of his actions and the pain he had put her through.
Unable to hold back any longer, Rae let out a choked sob, and buried her face in Sixx's shoulder, finding solace in his embrace. His tears fell freely, a mix of emotions swirling within him—gratitude for Rae's support, determination to face his demons, and a sense of profound connection with the remarkable woman who had touched his life in ways he never expected.
It reminded Sixx of a lyric sung by James from one of the songs he'd written:
Everything will be okay Everything will be alright If I can get away from her And save my worthless life
