Crush/Boyfriend Imagines

occasional sex nights (requested)

having sex - or just any other form of intimacy - with your crush was surely one of the things you had desired.

only, you would have preferred more for the sex to be an act of love, not plainly pleasuring the needs. being friends with benefits with your crush wasn't ideal in the very least, but it was by far the only possibility to ever get close to him.

because you knew he definitely didn't like you the way you liked him. to him, you were simply a good female friend with whom he could sometimes have sex. to you, he was a very good friend for whom you wished to become something more to you.

the decision to be fuck buddies was agreed to by both of you - you said yes even though you knew he was doing it just for the sex, even though you knew you'd just end up hurt because of your feelings.

it was just that it was so tempting... you could just pretend you were a real couple having passionate sex in the middle of the night and then the morning sun would burn your eyes and remind you of the harsh reality - finding the space on the bed next to you empty, because he usually left early without waking you up.

you knew there was no way he'd like you. and you wanted nothing more than to stop liking him.

you just simply weren't sure how long were you going to be able to keep up with this.

and so five minutes had passed already as you stared at the text message on your phone, contemplating what to type back.

c/n: come over tonight?

you kept typing and deleting your answer, decided between yes and no, between lies and truth.

but you knew what answer you'd choose in the end.

it was always a yes, no matter how bad you felt afterwards. the feelings that were brought during were enough to make up for the lack of them after. or so you told yourself.

y/n: be there at ten

throwing your phone back onto the bed, you groaned with your head in your hands. you were thinking of telling him for these past few days, even though you knew that possibility wasn't really any good option for you - you didn't want to lose him for as much as he hurt you - without him knowing, though -, he was till one of your best friends and when you weren't naked together in bed but rather hanging out like normal, you were able to at least somehow forget and have fun.

but you could never fully forget the ever present feelings. oh no, they were always there, lingering in the pit of your stomach, making sure you're well aware of them.

maybe you were a real mess if you didn't mind feeling like shit. in exchange for the sex and the ability to pretend for at least a little time, it'd got to be enough.

was a boy really worth so much trouble, though? you always went out of your way for him, even though you doubted he'd do the same for you if he were in your situations.

so was the pain worth it? was it paying off?

the answer was simple - yes, the sex was worth it, no, the hurt wasn't.

as you looked over at the clock, you realized you still had three hours to spare, it was only a little before seven. great, so much time to think about the miserable life choices and the malicious torturing of fate when your heart decided to love the wrong one.

maybe it's best to distance yourself from him. but it's just that... you shared so many memories. you went through so much together. you have experience so many things for the first time in the pair as you were.

you were scared of letting him go, as much because of the feelings as because of kind of losing a big part of your life.

the ding on your phone notified you of c/n's reply and you hastily picked it up.

c/n: can't wait to see you

there it was again, the stupid flirting said in that deep tone of voice of his which made you feel special and your heart skip beats. sometimes, he'd say things that really made you feel like you're the one, things that would warm up your heart, or flirty stuff that would make you blush. it only fueled the fire of hoping that somewhere deep down, he liked you, but had not yet come to the realization, that one day he will finally walk up to you and confess, give you a kiss out of love. it certainly didn't help in trying to get over him.

but how even can you get over someone when you keep having sex with them?

sure, it started of small, the first time you had done it was kind of awkward at first, you were best friends, after all, but you soon found your rhythm, soon found out about what the other likes, what turns the other on and other similar things as equal and important to know in the bedroom. you still tried to kept the contact to a minimum, meeting up maximum of a couple times per month, but lately, c/n had been texting you more often about it, more regularly.

and you didn't know just how to say no to that.

it was like a drug messing with your head, but still addicting and irresistible.

he was like the alcohol in which you'd often indulge as of sooner to forget and loosen up. he clouded your rational sense.

you knew you should tell him of your feelings.

only, you never really did what should be done.