Crush/Boyfriend Imagines

occasional sex nights 2 (requested)

sorry if y'all were hoping for a better ending xo

anyways, double update cause we've surpassed (already a while ago) 30K reads???!!
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indulging yourself in momentary fake love. having your heart broken anew after each night it happened. becoming a sobbing mess the morning after, locked in your bathroom, sprawled across on the icy cold tiles. repeating the cycle.

repeating the cycle.

repeating the cycle.

without an end.

only, every other part of you was screaming for you to end it, to cut the ties off. but you were far too afraid to do that. too afraid of c/n slipping past your fingers, now that you at least somehow managed to get a hold of him. losing that boy was your biggest fear.

yet, it was your only redemption.

just why the heck did your heart need to choose particularly him? why did fate have to be so cruel?

you hated your heart and blinded vision. you hated yourself for letting it come so far. moreover, you hated c/n, too - for making you feel such a way, albeit unconsciously on his part.

did he enjoy making you fall in love, then breaking your heart right after?

of course, he didn't know. he couldn't know.

but he needed to.

you gritted your teeth harder, bit into your tongue. the metallic taste of blood felt bitter in your mouth, but it was better than feeling the salt of your tears. you were tired and your head hurt and pounded from crying so much, your legs weak to carry you to bed and hands trembling. your chest heaved up and down in an irregular pace. your nails kept digging into your skin as you clenched your hands into fists.

you were losing yourself, spiralling down into an endless abyss. you wanted to claw your way out of the hole, desperately tried to hold on to the egde of the cliff. you wanted c/n to reach his hand down and help you on steady feet. only, he wasn't there. it was only you alone left to delt with your unbearable feelings.

in a wicked way, this was all your fault and you snickered through the tears. feeling pity for yourself would help you in no way - it wasn't like you didn't know how it would eventually turn out when you first agreed on the friends with benefits thing with him.

back then, even the little of physical closeness it would allow you to get seemed worth it.

now, nothing seems worth it through the tears anymore.

it was karma catching up, striking back at you. did you really think to outrun her?

you finally made up your mind that morning after waking up only to find the space next to you empty, even though it was his bed. his apartment, save for you, was empty of any other people, too. he left before you woke up. again.

you made up your mind to tell him. to put an end to the whole situation. when your feelings were strong that morning, anger and hatred and the feeling of having enough of putting up with it, you made up your mind to tell him the truth. but as you lay on the bathroom tiles, already warmed up from your body heat and no longer icy cold as when you first sat down, when the feelings became number, replaced by those of sadness and fear, the mere through of trying to tell him filled your stomach with uneasiness, bile rose to your throat from nervousness.

would you be able to make it?

you felt like throwing up when you thought about the aftermath. about c/n leaving you.

another question rose up. okay, maybe all your tears weren't worth the sex you got in return, but would the tears after losing him? would you be able to feel any better with the knowledge he was a part of your life no more?