Breaking Beckett

Chapter 10

-Beckett-

I appreciate Cash for his efforts and I'm glad that Ellie talked me into allowing her to go.

She and I sat in the truck, while Cash ran our errands.

Sitting here in the truck with her. Watching her talk about music and writing, seeing the light in her eyes. It felt ordinary. I was thankful for that. My life being as complicated as it is, I never feel normal. I'm not normal.

"Music just heals you, you know? You're feeling sad, listen to a song and you'll identify yourself with the lyrics. The way the music increases and decreases, the whispers of the lyrics, the passion the artist puts into it. Music is literally art for your soul. " She said.

I just smiled at her.

"If I am mad, I'd hop in my car and blast Shinedown or Linkin Park out the speakers and speed down the freeway." She said.

"You, listen to Shinedown?" I asked.

"Of course! The Crow and Butterfly is my favorite." She replied.

"And Linkin park?"

"Numb." She said immediately.

"That's a good one."

"You may not believe me, but when I was 15, I was tired. Tired of living this life were I had to be perfect. I felt alone, in the room full of people. Numb was my anthem."

"So if you're happy, what do you listen too?"

"Anything. I love music."

"Sad?"

"Country. Or John Legend."

"What about writing?"

"Have you ever wrote what your feeling down on paper? It's so therapeutic. Something so beautiful in the words you can't say but the way you write them down, it transpires into something. Something worth feeling." She said.

For a moment it was silent. And a heaviness came over the truck.

"Beckett?" She said turning to me. "Tell me something your passionate about."

"Drawing." I replied.

"Drawing?"
She asked.

I nodded.

"It's kind of like writing but not. I can draw whatever I'm feeling but if you looked at what I drew, you couldn't tell. I would expel all the emotion on the paper and see something so dark, but someone else's would confuse it with beauty." ....

" I don't do it much anymore. I don't have time, though I'm sure it would be sort of, therapeutic. I'm not good at showing emotions." I said.

"I've noticed." She said.

"I don't know why, but I trust you. Probably more than I should, considering. It's just something, I can't put a finger on it. But I don't hate you. Maybe I should, but I don't. " she said.

She should. She really should.

>>>>>>>>>>>

-Ellie-

It was nice to not be locked in a room all day, even if I stayed inside a truck with Beckett during the errands.

We talked about music, writing and drawing.

I slowly find myself revealing myself piece by piece to him. Because I want to seem vulnerable, I want him to want to protect me, because it makes me valuable. I want him to enjoy my company, so I gain more freedom. I want him to see me as Ellie and not as his hostage, so when one day when he lets his guard down, I can run. Run like wildfire, far, far away from him.

I almost, for a second hate myself for feeling that way, because of Beckett hadn't been the way he is, if I had met him some other way, I could imagine this being different.

Yes, he's strong and maybe even brave. But he's terrifying. I am finding myself
Every day becoming immune to the feeling of being afraid, and that scares me.

I would bet my life that one day his fallen empire would be at the fault of his dishonest friends. They would be what would cause Beckett's downfall and I hoped to be far gone from him then.

I feel sorry for him, I see the lost boy in his eyes. The son who grew up without a mother and a drunk father. Beckett needed love, love that he didn't receive from his parents and they had done the deepest damage to him.

One day, when I'm far far away, Beckett won't cross my mind, but the lost soul I find every time I look at him will always be burned in my head.

I see Beckett for who he really is, before his lifestyle brought him to be this billy bad ass and my heart breaks for his. The lonely boy that he was, that he is.

If I ever did remember Beckett when I'm no longer his hostage, I'll remember him the way I see him today.
Smiling at me, beneath dark eyelashes. His impeccable smile radiating off his body, he and I in this truck, talking about the things he loves, wearing this goofy ball cap.

Authors Note :

So kinda a filler but important parts lie in what Ellie says.

I've new totally binge watching Gossip Girl on Netflix and at random
Moments I've paused it as things have inspired for parts of the story.

Not to much longer and you'll see a side of Beckett you'll fall hopelessly in love with, but it might be after you despise him.

Continue reading.... After all
We are "Breaking" Beckett.