Hold My Heart // Byler

026

As soon as the boys enter Will's room, Mike begins talking.

" I'm sorry, Will. I shouldn't have come here. But I seriously cannot sleep without you. I can't breathe or eat, or think and I really want you to know tha-"

" Mike." Will whispers quietly, causing a stir in his heart. He knows what Mike is trying to tell him he just doesn't know if he's capable of hearing it just yet.

  Mike nods in understanding, this is hard for him too. But he also knows that if he doesn't say anything now, he might be silent forever.

   " It can't keep being like this, Will.", Mike says, irritably, but also upset.

   Will sighs and sits on his bed facing Mike. He knows Mike is right, that's why he doesn't say anything.

   But then again, when has Will ever been the one to say anything? He's always seen himself as a coward.

   Speaking up seems like inevitable heartbreak to Will. He knows that staying silent has always been the safe option.

  Will enjoys the idea of safe. He knows that its just because he likes to take the easy way out of everything in his life.

   He truly doesn't know why assurance became a comfort to him. Anything that involves risk, Will seems to shy away from the whole idea.

   So that's why Will stops not saying anything.

  " I know, Mike." Will throws his head in his hands.

   " So what do we do?" Will knows that he just doesn't want to initiate.

   Mike sits on the floor with a newfound sense of readiness.

    Will feels obligated to sit across from him, and so he does.

   " Will, I gotta tell you.." Mike slurs a bit.

    Will's eyes widen and he sits up straight and glares at Mike.

   " Mike... are you drunk?" Will already knows the answer.

  Mike simply nods and says " It feels like the only thing I'm good for is drinking."

   Will smiles and says " Yeah, well, at least you're not like my dad."

   Mike eyes Will curiously.

   " I'm not saying anything like- I didn't mean-". Will sighs. " All I meant was that my dad drinks the most out of anyone I know."

   " Yeah, it's fine- it doesn't.. matter."

   Mike suddenly takes off a backpack and places it in front of him.

    Will slightly laughs. " Didn't know intoxicated people could equip themselves."

   Mike sucks in a breathe and awkwardly smiles. " Well, it's normal to me now, so I can function with it."

    Will knows that Mike has found this as a coping mechanism. He's all too familiar with these unhealthy habits, so that means he also knows how hard it is to stop.

   " How long have you been doing this, Mike?"

    " Few weeks. I like forgetting about my problems. It's easy to just turn to drinking when I'm upset."

    Mike has the knowledge that this is an issue, and a part of him wants to try and contain it, but it's an understatement to say he doesn't even know where to begin.

    " I get it, Mike. It makes sense, I mean.. especially with everything that's been going on lately."

   Will is finding himself trying to resonate with Mike, although he really isn't trying that hard.

    They've had similar problems their entire lives, and that's because they're in everything together and they do everything together.

  They've both spent their lives as one.

    Mike nods solemnly. " Yeah, it- before recently I never would've thought about doing it this much but I-"

    " Mike, its okay. You don't have to explain to me. You're allowed to feel however you feel, and you don't have to make excuses."

    Mike sighs and instantly feels more comfortable.

    Then Mike pulls out a bottle of liquor from his bag and eyes Will.

   Mike takes a swig from the bottle, and his face remains calm.

   " Want some?", Mike jesters to Will.

    Will slowly nods, maybe because he doesn't want to say no. But deep down inside of him Will knows that he is also trying to drown out thoughts inside of his head.

    Mike passes Will the bottle and he hesitates before sipping slowly and wincing when the harsh liquid slips over his tongue.

   He swallows difficultly and the smell is enough to bring him to tears. The smell wafts through his nose, and he is reminded of all the nights washed away in alcohol.

     After a while, Will becomes aware of the fact that he is slightly more intoxicated than he had originally wanted to be.

    " Mike, I read your letters, ya know. And.." Will sighs and turns around to face Mike, who is now laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

    Mike sits up. " You did? Why didn't you say anything?"

    " Mike, we both know that I'm not confrontational. I just couldn't bring myself to call, because I knew that if I did, I would then be obliged to tell you what I felt about them."

    Mike's eyes grow wider with every sentence Will speaks. " And I cannot bring myself to do that, Mike. Because that would be..."

    Will is leaning against his desk now, staring down at Mike, who is lost in Will's eyes.

    Mike stands up before Will without breaking eye contact. He steps closer toward Will.

    Will breathes out. His gaze at Mike isn't the only unwavering thing.

   Will's entire body feels cold and numb, and he can't bring himself to move a single limb.

    Mike grabs Will's hand and cups it into his hands. He kisses the back of Will's hand softly.

    Will closes his eyes and allows himself to not worry about anything future.

    Mike presses his chest against Will's, and suddenly there is almost no space between them.

    Mike cups Will's head in his hands and slowly brings himself closer to Will's ear.

   " I love you, Will. I love you so much."

    And somewhere in this moment of time, Will finds himself crying. Genuinely crying, for himself, his family, Mike.

   But the difference now is that he isn't crying alone.

*******************************
A/N: Hiiii! So, some sad news.. this is one of the last chapters of this fic. I'm expecting to write 4 more chapters MAX. possibly 2. or 1. anyway, regardless of that, we're at the end. it honestly upsets me but also fills me with pride bc i may've touched someone w this fic. ik that it's helped me in many ways. anyways. enjoy( for one of the last times) reading<333