Hold My Heart // Byler

024

   Maybe the reason Will feels like he needs to tell Mike what he's thinking is because he hasn't been; or maybe Will can't hold it in any longer.

   " No, uh- not really." Will smiles and breathes out simultaneously, partly because he knows he'll burst into tears if he doesn't.

   " What's wrong, Will?" Mike practically whispers. His attention is fully zeroed in on Will; he can't pull his eyes away from the boy in front of him.

  " Everything." Will finally finds himself sitting down, with his head in his hands.

   He looks up at Mike, who's expression hasn't faltered since he came in the room. Worried.

   " This house, it's okay. My mom, I love her. I'm okay, I'm not doing that bad. Except for the fact that my dad is here. It just feels like he's.. corrupting everything."

   Mike nods slowly, processing Will's words. He's always been aware of the fact that Will didn't have a liking for his father, but now he's realizing that it's more than a dislike, it's a true hatred.

  Maybe because of the way Will's father has made him feel. Mike has always been aware of the fact that Will's dad was abusive when Will was young.

  To Mike, it has always seemed so unfair. Will had to feel true hate from the thing that was supposed to be a home for him.

  Mike's mom has always told him to not bring up Will's father to him, and Mike has never completely understood why.

  " I'm so sorry, Will." Mike lets out a shaky breath.

  He doesn't know exactly what to say, and how could he? What are you supposed to say to someone who's been abused by their father their entire childhood?

   Will shakes his head and looks towards Mike. " It's fine."

  Mike scoffs, audibly, because he knows that it is, in fact, not fine. He's wise enough to know that it can't even begin to be fine.

   " Will, none of this is fine. I'm sorry. You don't- you'll never deserve this." Mike's tone is upset now, more so than Will's now.

   Mike's always hated to see Will upset. Will is someone that's always deserved happiness in Mike's eyes.

   Will knows that this is far from fine, but what can he do? " Yeah, I guess. But what can I do about it, Mike? Nothing. I can't do anything."

   Will looks down, and a tear falls from his eye. He's hopeless, he's unable to change his situation. So he has to deal with it.

   Mike scoots his chair closer to Will, making their knees touch. He needs to show Will exactly how he feels.

  " Will, you can do something. You have to, for yourself. I need you to-".

   Mike's voice goes hoarse, and he finds himself blocking away immense emotion coming from within himself.

   " I need you to do to something for yourself, for once. Will, I need you.. to finally choose yourself."

   " Mike- what am I supposed to do?"

  " You can.." Mike doesn't know exactly why he says this next, but it's probably because it's the only thing on his mind.

   " You can stay with me."

   " Mike- I- what do you mean?"

   " You can.. I mean you- you can live with me?"  

   " Mike- I don't think it would.. work."

   " Why not?"

    Mike is confused about everything going on, but the one thing he's completely certain of is that he wants to be with Will, wherever and whenever.

   " Mike- it's not that I.. I'm not currently being abused- it's fine. It's just hard to live with someone that still causes me pain to this day, is all."

" Will, you shouldn't have to put up with what your feeling just because you're not currently being abused."

" You're allowed to feel this way. Why do you feel so bad about feeling normal emotions?"

Although Mike's words are for Will, he can feel a sense of internal conflict coming from within himself, in form of his words.

His words are directed towards Will, but also to himself. His words mean something to hisself, and maybe more so to him than anyone else.

That's when Mike realizes that he and Will aren't very different.

Maybe that's why Mike feels a sense of protection towards Will, because he also wants to protect himself.

He can see that his words have an impact on Will, but what about himself?

It's not because he's not worried about Will. But maybe Mike feels similarly to Will. Maybe they're not too different.

" Will, I know how you feel. Please, just let me be here for you."

This is when Mike seems to break down, he doesn't cry. He just feels it in himself, his breaking point.

The moment when emotions get too much to bear, thoughts become too loud in his head, and words become too unspoken for him to tolerate.

Maybe that's why he needs Will to know he's not alone.

" You don't have to deal with this alone, Will." Mike urges this to Will, because it's truly what he wants Will to know.

Although Will is upset, he smiles. He smiles because he knows Mike is right; he's not alone because he has Mike, who is all he's ever wanted.

Will nods slowly and looks up at Mike. " Why does it seem like you care about me so much?"

Mike shakes his head immediately, because even thinking about the fact that Will might not know how much he means to Mike is practically sickening.

Mike leans forward, and takes Will's hand in his. He squeezes Will's hand slightly.

Will breathes out, and feels his heart begin to beat faster.

" Will.. it seems like that because it's true." Mike looks Will directly into the eyes, he's not hiding anything any longer.

Mike knows that in life, some people are brave, they can say their feelings easily, without hesitation, while some aren't. Some people spend their entire lives running away from their emotions.

Mike has always known himself to be the latter. He's always felt guilty about his emotions, he's always shied away from vulnerability.

" You mean more to me than life, Will."

So why is it that Will is the only thing that makes him brave?

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A/N: obviously i couldn't come back without a dramatic ending. ik its been a minute, ive been busy with life and whatnot. anyways, this story.. as i fear, is sorta close to its ending point. basically what that means, is we're in the homestretch, the final moments, if you will. thank you for those of you who have read this entire thing, and those of you who read at all. i appreciate what this fic has done for me and maybe it's impacted others. i truly hope that's the case. anyways. i love you!! enjoy, love <3!!!