Hold My Heart // Byler

018

For some reason, Mike has been trying to think of a way out of this.

His brain has been trying to tell him that he's wrong for feeling like this, behaving like this, but he can't let anything get to him when he's near Will.

He doesn't quite understand why, but he can't think of a single reason why he should stop this. Why should he stop? Why should he not let himself be happy?

Mike is trying to find a way out of this, because he's scared of these new feelings. But in all truth, he cannot come up with a single valid reason as to why he should stop being this way with Will.

" This way" being.. different. It's just different. Completely different. He finally feels like he doesn't have to run. If anything, he wants to run back to the safety of Will's arms.

That's probably his favorite place.

And now, after everything, the only thing he's learned is that you can't hide. And Mike is sure that he's the best at hiding his feelings, and even he couldn't run away from things that strong.

And that's love.

Wait.. love? Do I..?

And Mike knows the answer. And he just sits with the knowledge that he loves Will. No. He's in love with Will. And he won't deny that.

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Will wakes up in Mike's bed, and he can't seem to think straight.

Maybe it's because when he finally opens his eyes, Mike is staring at him.

Will wants to jump up in fright, but as soon as he meets his gaze with Mike's, he can't think of anything but the boy in front of him.

Mike begins to say something, but it seems like he decided against it, because he just shuts his mouth and smiles.

For a minute, Mike is confused as to why Will's in his bed, but then he remembers the night before.

He shakes his head and says " Fuck, Will.. I was..wait- what happened?"

Will smiles, although his tone is disappointed, and says " Do you remember anything?"

" Yeah, I remember what I said-"

That. That was the moment when the two boys felt an unspoken truth in the air, looming over them.

" Uh- So, yeah. Did you.. mean any of it?" Will says, basically praying for Mike to remember so he doesn't have to tell him.

" Will.." Mike whispers, and he can feel the tension slicing through them like a blade.

Mike scoots closer to Will, and their chests slightly touch, they pretended not to notice. Though neither would ever admit just how much they did, in fact, notice.

They lay there, chests heaving, piercing gazes, barely breathing all the while having never breathed this clear before.

And they don't know whether to acknowledge this feeling, or to ignore it and just let the tension linger.

Will wants to say something. Something that can either get him out of this room, not because he doesn't want to be near Mike, but because he feels almost like he can't be near Mike.

He might explode.

Mike still feels the alcohol surging through his veins. And he can blame his next actions on this, or maybe he just can't suppress his feelings any longer..

He thinks about leaning in to kiss Will for a split second, but he doesn't know if he has the capacity to do such.

Instead, he slowly inches his hand towards Will's cheek. He tucks a tuft of Will's tussled hair behind his ear, and then he slowly moves his hand onto Will's cheek, and he rests it there.

Will can feel his heart rate increasing, and it feels as if his heart is pounding inside the walls of his chest, and it feels like it's about to jump out.

His breathing gets heavier, and he can't take his eyes away from Mike's face.

He's sure that in this moment, the look on his face must be shocked, because Mike's hand begins to retrieve back to his body.

Will almost shouts in objection, but he refrains. He says, rather whispers, so quietly that it can barely be heard over the almost silent stir going on somewhere within the house.

" It's okay."

And Will does think it's okay. He actually enjoys this. This.. whatever this is. In fact, he'll allow it to be, as long as Mike will too.

But he can't help but think of one thing that's holding him back, at least a little bit. And maybe that's the reason why he hasn't completely devoted himself to Mike.

It's because deep down, in a dark, inhuman part of his mind, he feels incredibly guilty.

Maybe it's because of what happened only a couple days prior. Maybe it's because that's what he's been told his entire life, and when something is practically drilled into your head, you can't help but think about it.

In fact, it had been so deeply rooted in him that he's been known to feel disgusted with himself for it. Now, he's come to terms with who he is.. but other people haven't.

When others showed a sign of disgust toward him, he felt broken. He felt like a curse. Especially when it comes to Mike.

That's why he's so delicate about this, to him its a fragile situation, with fragile feelings.

He will do anything to protect Mike's feelings, even if that means staying out of his life. Now, he isn't sure that is the most affective, considering that him and Mike had been a wreck a few days prior.

So while Will has the knowledge that Mike does, in fact, need him, in what way he's not exactly sure yet, he can't bring himself to do anything he wants to.

Such as asking Mike how he feels, not in general, about him. About this.

So, he doesn't know exactly what's going to happen, but he can't help but feel the undying urge to grab Mike's face and shake his thoughts out of him.

Maybe eventually he'll muster up the courage to ask Mike everything. To tell him everything.

Every single idea that's hanging in the air, above the two. Every single time they're around each other.

Will decides that he will in fact continue to live in this, almost fantasy world. Because to him, he's practically living out a fantasy.

He wants, more than anything, to just simply ask Mike, " What are we doing?" and " Do you have feelings for me?"

He wants to ask or say anything that might clear up a fraction of the confusion that he's feeling, Mike probably is too, in all honesty.

If Will decided to write a book about his life, most of it would be about the way he couldn't say anything.

But most of Will's words are unspoken, and he truly doesn't know if these words would be better if they never exist outside of Will's head.

   Everyone has a chapter they don't read out loud.

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A/N: Hi! This chapter wasn't major or anything, just part of the story. I'm sensing some ideas for the next plot twist ( if there will be one) and I'm pretty excited! I honestly just enjoy writing this story, no matter how important the certain part is. This book has turned out exactly how I envisioned it and I couldn't be more excited to keep writing this! And hey, don't think we're coming to an end just yet, there IS more to come! anyways, not too much. I love you all sm and thank you for reading :) Enjoy lovelies <3