Pulling Through Together (Lan Zhan x Wei Ying)

Mourning

After the miscarriage, neither man knew what to do. There were sleepless nights and restless mornings that they would both come to. And sometimes Wei Wuxian wouldn't even try to get out of bed. He'd miss night hunts and training with the junior disciples, he'd dissociate and would stare off into space.

Everything was crumbling around him and he didn't know what to do about it all. It hurt so much-

"Wei Ying-" he heard a voice behind him, soft. Pitying.

The man was lying on his bed now. He couldn't bear to move, everything ached so horribly. He just wanted to be left alone. He didn't want pity. He just wanted peace.

"Mn?" The shorter man had no tone in his voice.

"I left you some food on the table", he went to place a hand on his husband's back, but he flinched badly.

"That's- thank you...but I'm not hungry".

Lan Wangji had a worried expression on his face but also hurt that his husband was doing this to himself. It had been only 3 weeks since Wei Zixin's death- so he knew he couldn't rush things. Everything takes its course at its own pace. But it was hard to watch the man he loved be this way.

"Please- you need to eat. You haven't been eating well..." Lan Wangji furrowed his brows.

"When's the funeral?" Wei Wuxian ignored his husband's pleas to eat something. Anything. He just wanted the world to stop telling him what he needed. It was annoying...

"In an hour." The man sat on his side of the bed, the other's back was turned away.

Silence filled the room as neither had much to say to the other. They were both angry in their own ways, but not like how they should be. Everything felt cold and dark. Wei Wuxian had closed his eyes as he waited for something. Just anything to take his mind off his thoughts. He drifted off as he finally saw black. He didn't notice he was shaking until-

"Wei Ying?- Wei Ying!"

"W-what? What happened?!" The man shot up from the bed, his face was cold and wet. It felt gross on his face as he wiped the salty liquid from his cheeks. His heart was beating madly.

"You- you were shaking. And crying. I thought it was a nightmare again." Lan Wangji had tried to move his hand to the other's cheek, who swiftly turned to the side to miss it.

Lan Wangji ached. But what could he say? He didn't need his husband feeling more guilt and shame than he already did over the loss of their son. He wanted to do anything to make him feel better. Hold him, kiss him, tell him he was the most amazing and beautiful person, but what good would that do for either of them right now.

"Well-", Lan Wangji said as he placed his hands together, "we better go now. The funeral starts in 10 minutes. The guests are here." He stood from where he sat on the bed and solemnly walked out of the Jingshi.

Wei Wuxian didn't know what to do with himself, he hated himself. Everything was falling apart. He stayed sitting on the bed staring at nothing, doing nothing but thinking. Before he knew it, it had been 6 minutes since Lan Wangji left the room.

"Shit-" He gathered his outermost robe and slowly pulled on his boots. His body ached. He placed a hand on his abdomen, his self-hatred growing by the second. It's all my fault...

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Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian stood before the small coffin. Everyone around them was clad in pure white robes. Jiang Cheng offered his condolences, although he truly had one person to blame for this-

"Stop this. This isn't the time for you to express your abhorrence towards me." Lan Wangji grew angry. And it was slowly becoming external.

Wei Wuxian watched and heard, but wasn't really listening. Everything was blurry and foggy and all he wanted to do was hideaway. Mouths were just moving but nothing came out, people were becoming nothing but blurred blobs. He saw a blob that looked to be Lan Sizhui.

"Master Wei- are you alright?"

The boy couldn't help but notice that the man was very pale in complexion and extremely quiet. He feared something was wrong. Wei Wuxian just turned to the boy with a small, unconvincing smile and said nothing more than "I'm fine." Lan Sizhui knew it best to not press for anything that wasn't his business.

"Alright-" He backed to stand near Lan Wangji, who was still talking to Jiang Cheng, however, the sect leader wasn't having any of it.

"You shouldn't have left him alone bleeding out! This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't just taken him yourself instead of leaving him alone!" Jiang Cheng seethed with anger towards the Second Young Master.

"A-Cheng." Jiang Yanli was now walking up to her brother as she heard him spout nonsense. "That's no way to speak to Hanguang-jun. Apologize. For heaven's sake, we're at a funeral- Mother and father wouldn't approve of this...Please."

"I'll apologize when I need to." He angrily turns away from his sister and brother-in-law. He steps towards the hazed Wei Wuxian. The pale man looks at his brother and sees his mouth move but doesn't hear anything.

"Wei Ying?" Jiang Cheng says, noticing how the man hasn't responded to anything he's asked or said. "Wei Ying? A-Ying. Snap out of it." He was slowly getting worried.

Lan Wangji noticed as his husband was extremely pale and unresponsive. He went to touch the small of his back, the other didn't relax into it like he normally would though.

"Wei Ying..." Lan Wangji said now. Jiang Cheng stood back and Jiang Yanli furrowed her brows.

"A-Xian, please..." she said, reaching to touch his hand.

Wei Wuxian's eyes filled with tears to the brim, he blinked and it all came flowing down on his cheeks and chapped lips. His breathing hitched and soon he was hyperventilating, it was all becoming too much for him. He needed to get out of here, but all he could hear were pleas from his family and friends and he wanted it all to stop.

"Stop..." he whispered. No one heard.

"Stop- just stop. Stop it. Stop! SHUT UP!" he yelled. It was hopeless, what could yelling do for anyone, or him. Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, Lan Wangji, and Lan Xichen who was close by had all looked at Wei Wuxian. Broken. Hurt.

"I'm sorry- I didn't mean- I just- I...", the grieving man abruptly walked away from all of them back to the Jingshi. His hyperventilating grew more and he soon placed a hand on his chest as pain shot to the mid of it. Tears rapidly fell from his eyes and he didn't know what to do.

It was debilitating as he crumpled to the floor once he reached the edge of his bed. All he could do was cry and struggle to breathe, it was like the air was leaving him, and his body kept shaking uncontrollably.

Please help me- I can't breathe-

What Wei Wuxian hadn't noticed was that Lan Wangji followed behind him.

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Word Count: 1176 

Heyo again my precious potatoes!! ✌️

I know it's been a while but school was crowding me with a lot of work and I have college applications to do for when I graduate. 

But here's a new long-awaited chapter for y'all! 💜