Stalemate // The Queens Gambit //Benny Watts x OC

Sixteen: Shopping Spree

CW:
This chapter contains talk of alcohol abvse, sewersl1de, and depression. Please read with caution and enjoy <3

***

    I walked quickly to the park down the street, the same one I had been just last week with my mother. That feels like so long ago now.

Of course I would run into him.

I thought to myself, fuming inside.  All I wanted was to get some fresh air, shop a bit, get away from it all. Have a nice afternoon with no drama. Of course I would run into Logan Winters.

I sat at a bench, hands gripping the sides of it, my knuckles turning white. I felt heat just beneath my skin, red and angry heat, trying to get out. I wanted to yell, cry, scratch my skin off, drink until I was finally in a gutter like the mental one I was in now.

I felt like I did when my mother died. I felt like I did when I lost the US open, when my father told me his wife was pregnant, when Benny told Macy about my mother. I hate this feeling. More than anything.

I got a few nasty looks from people passing, a few concerned ones, but whoever looked over got a glare in return. I took deep breaths and tried to think straight. I had no idea why I reacted so strongly, what happened wasn't Winters' fault and I know he hadn't meant anything bad with the stubbornness comment, but even so I felt angry and hurt and scared. Angry at myself for what I've done to my life, hurt by my mother for killing herself and leaving me here, scared that I was going to be stuck in this miserable state forever, of constantly trying to run away but only getting chased down by everything wrong in my life.

I was crying now. Not loudly, but noticeably. I longed for a bottle of wine so I could sleep as long as I wanted, but I knew that if I could resist at a time like this it would be a huge step to getting sober, so instead I wipe my face, count to ten, and straighten my posture. I can let this go. I'm not the type of psychotic person who has breakdowns in the middle of a park, and I will not become one now. It's not a big deal. What happened, happened. It was three years ago. It's over.

Telling myself these things helps to settle me down and slow my heart rate, the heat beneath my skin giving way to a refreshing calm. I look at my surroundings, taking in the nature and people. Kids playing with dogs, couples whispering sweet nothings to each other on picnic blankets, a group of senior citizens bird watching. I take in a big gulp of fresh, cold August air and look up, the gray sky greeting me through the branches of maple and birch trees. I close my eyes and just stay there, in that moment, for as long as I want.

***

After walking around the park a bit I decided to get some coffee at a little cafe across from the park. I get out my copy of "Fahrenheit 451" and nibble on a donut. I was only sat there for about twenty minutes when someone plopped into the seat in front of me and stole a chunk of my donut.

"Hey! What the hell do-" I look up to see Benny Watts sitting across from me with the cockiest, most annoying smirk ever. "Oh. Of course It's you." I say, less than enthused. I wasn't necessarily upset to see Benny, I was just enjoying my afternoon alone.

He frowns, feigning a look of hurt. "You dont sound happy to see me."

"Well, that's what you get when you steal someone's donut."

He grinned again and folded his arms on the table. "Fahrenheit 451" he reads the title of my book out loud and I set it down, knowing I won't be reading any more of it until he leaves. "I pegged you as more of a 'Dorian Gray' kind of girl."

"I've read that twice, not a huge fan."

"Then how come you read it twice?"

"The first time was to decode it, the second was to try and enjoy it."