Stalemate // The Queens Gambit //Benny Watts x OC

Twenty five: Guilt

        "Oh hey Benny." Jonathan said with a smirk, wrapping an arm around my waist. Benny sent him a glare—If looks could kill, we'd be in trouble— and walked over, leaving a few feet between us.

"Benny- what are you doing here?" I asked, the nervousness probably obvious in my voice. Benny looked from me to him, his expression cold.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't get lost in the crowd." He responded, his voice was void of any kindness at all. The guilt grew and I took a step forward so Jonathan would let go of me.

"Oh, thanks." I turned to Jonathan, "see you at the hotel." I said quietly and he nodded. He went to give me another kiss but I turned my face so he just kissed my cheek. I saw Benny's cold exterior waver for just a millisecond, giving way to something much more vulnerable. I felt horrible.

I lowered my head and walked out of the room, Benny trailing after me. We walked back in silence and when we were only a few feet away from rejoining the crowd I spoke up.

"Sorry you saw that."

"It's fine. I dont really care." He said, not even glancing at me. I looked up at him, a little hurt, but I didn't blame him.

We started to walk through the crowd and I saw Macy up ahead. I took my spot next to her again and she immediately noticed something was wrong. She gave me a questioning look and I just nodded, forcing a big smile. She eyed me suspiciously for a moment but then went back to singing along with the song.

The rest of the concert passed quickly and I eventually forgot about the whole ordeal and it was a great time, but the drive back was excruciating. Nobody talked because we were all so tired, but the silence between me and Benny was just awkward.

When we got back to the hotel we all said goodnight and went to our rooms. Me and Macy showered, changed, did our nightly routine, then got in bed and she fell asleep without saying a word. I sat awake for almost an hour, thinking.

I was in a bit of a mess.

I didn't feel romantically attracted to Jonathan, but he definitely felt that way for me and thought the feeling was mutual. I had no idea how to break it to him and I didnt even want to think about it.

Then there was Benny. He seemed upset that me and Jonathan had kissed—not to mention Jonathan rubbing it in his face—and I felt guilty about it, but I didn't understand why. I didn't have any sort of romantic attraction to him and he had none towards me. We were friends from the very beginning. So why was he acting this way and why was it making me feel so shitty?

I couldn't quiet my thoughts and it was getting frustrating, so I decided to turn the TV on and zone out to it. Some romance movie was on though and it did not help. I got out of bed as quietly as I could and changed into a bathing suit, then snuck out of the room. I strolled down the halls of the hotel until I came to the indoor pool, and went straight for the hot tub. I set my towel on a bench and lowered myself in, immediately relaxing in the steamy water. I sat in the very middle, letting the water come up to my nose, and closed my eyes. It felt great and all the stress seemed to melt away.

I don't know exactly how long I sat there until I heard the door open and somebody walk in. I opened my eyes and shot my head out of the water to see who it was, and inwardly screamed when I saw Benny set his own towel on a different bench and then walk over to the hot tub, arms crossed. All I wanted to do was relax and get away from stressful thoughts specifically about him, so of course he had to show up. He was everywhere. I almost asked him to leave but obviously that was ridiculous so I kept my mouth shut.

"Couldn't sleep either?" He asked, his tone a little more normal than the one he had at the concert, but I could tell he was still upset.

"Yeah.." I said quietly, going to the side of the hot tub and resting my arms on the concrete ground.

"Mind if I join you?"

Yes, I do.

"Go ahead." He stepped into the water and sat at one corner, an arm out resting over the side. I stared into the water trying not to make eye contact, the awkwardness hanging in the air so thick I felt like I would choke on it.

"So why couldn't you sleep?" He asked, breaking the silence. I could tell he was only making conversation so it wasn't excruciatingly uncomfortable.

I shrugged a little and glanced at him. "Just thinking a little too hard I suppose. You?"

"Yeah, same for me I guess. What were you thinking about?"

I narrowed my eyes and decided to just get on with it. "Are you upset with me?" I asked bluntly.

He thought for a moment. "Uhh.. no, I don't think so, why?"

"When you came to the band's dressing room, you seemed upset. And you've barely said a word to me since. Was it because of..?" I didnt even want to say it, realizing how crazy I sounded. Why would he be upset over me kissing someone else? It's not even his business.

"You and Jonathan? I mean.. I don't know, I guess I was a bit surprised. I thought you said you didn't want a relationship with him."

"I'm not sure that's exactly what I said, but yes. It wasn't really.. I didn't- I didn't really want to kiss him, I just didn't want to hurt his feelings, and I don't know, it just kind of happened.. I don't plan on doing it again, though."

He chuckles a little which only makes me more embarrassed. "Adelaide, it's fine, I don't really give a damn who you kiss. It's none of my business."

"Well.. why did you seem so upset, then?"

He furrowed his brow and didn't answer right away. "I don't know, maybe I was tired, maybe I was just surprised, maybe it seemed like I was upset to you when really I wasn't. I'm fine though."

"Okay. Good. I'm glad.." I trail off a little. I feel positive he was upset, and I wonder why he's denying it now.

"Good." He nods curtly and we sit there for a bit, him with his eyes closed and me staring at the light patterns in the water. After a few minutes he looks at me and sighs. "What is it?"

"I just- I know you were upset about something, I could tell, and I don't know what it is and why you aren't telling me."

"I'm telling you, I was not upset then, nor am I upset now. We're good."

"I don't believe that, just tell me!"

"There is nothing to tell."

"But-"

"Adelaide, drop it!"

His words echoed through the room and silence followed. I was surprised he had yelled, but it only proved he really was upset. Without a word I got out and grabbed my towel, wrapping it around me. He got out too and grabbed my arm as I tried to leave.

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay?" He said softly.

"It's fine." I didn't meet his gaze.

"Really? Cause it doesn't seem like it is."

I sighed and pulled my arm away, turning to face him. "No, it's fine. I'm sorry I kept pushing."

"It's alright. I'm.. glad you did." I sent him a confused look. "What I mean is I'm glad your the type of person who sees when someone is upset and just wants to make it right. It may be annoying as hell, but it's nice. Admirable."

"Thank you." I say a little awkwardly. We stare at each other for a moment, then he lowers his head and I walk to the door. Just as I open it he stops me.

"Wait," I stop and turn back, he looked nervous almost like a shy young boy, shifting his stance and staring at the ground. "Uh- earlier, before we left for the concert, what I meant to say, was that you looked beautiful. Just like always." He said the last part so quietly I had to strain my ears to hear him.

I smiled, feeling my cheeks get a little warm, flattered. "Thank you, Benny." I nod, then turn and walk back up to my room.