Stalemate // The Queens Gambit //Benny Watts x OC

Thirty seven: Friendly Advice

    I quickly backed into the stairwell so he wouldn't see me, but didn't totally retreat. I peeked around to see again. It was definitely him. I took a deep breath and forced my heart rate to slow, telling myself not to panic, he hadn't seen me yet. I wanted more han anything to go right up to him and get this confrontation over, but I knew it wasn't the time.

Instead, I snuck around the corner and rounded the hotel lobby, trying to remain unseen. I got close enough to hear what they were saying while not looking like a crazy woman or letting him see me. The lady at the front desk handed over his key with the same perky smile she gave me.

"Room 459, enjoy your stay!"

he nodded and went to the elevator, pressing the call button and stepping inside. Once the door had closed, I ran back up to my room and quickly shut the door.

God, does it get more stalker-y than this?

I thought. But on the bright side, I now knew where I could find him when I finally mustered up the courage to talk. I just had to figure out what I was going to say.

I sat on my bed and pulled out a small notepad from the bed side table, starting to jot down ideas of how I could word my apology. I had come up with a bunch, but when I looked them over, they all sounded ridiculous and immature and not like me at all.

I tossed the piece of paper in the trashcan and laid back on the bed, frowning at the ceiling. I started to rethink everything again. This was probably the craziest, most ambitious, most out there and vulnerable thing I have ever done. Which, now thinking about it, makes me pity myself. I can't think of a single time in my life I've done anything like this. Even in the few relationships I have had, I was the closed off one, only there to support the other.

Well, baby steps I guess. Though, in this case I suppose a little larger.

***

October 2nd, 1968, 5:45 pm

I walked down the street to the coffee shop where me and Beth agreed to meet. She waved me over when I opened the door and I sat across from her, taking off my coat and gloves. It was colder today and felt more like October weather.

"Nice to see you again." She said with a smile.

"You too. How are you?" I asked, returning the smile.

"Pretty good. And you?"

"Well.. to be honest, there was something specific I wanted to talk to you about today."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

Before I could answer, the waitress came over and asked us what we'd like to order. Beth got a coffee and I got a hot chocolate. Coffee wasn't going to help my nerves right now.

"Well, something happened between me and Benny, and I'm desperate to fix it, I'm just not exactly sure how to go about it." She raised an eyebrow in response.

After I had told her the whole story and why I was here, she look troubled and overwhelmed and sorry for me all at the same time. Needless to say, it wasn't one of the best looks to get from someone.

"So.. you do have feelings for him?" She asked as she sipped her now almost completely gone coffee

"I'm not quite sure, really.. I think maybe. But I don't know if I want anything to come of it."

"Well that's understandable. I mean, it's obvious Benny has feelings for you, and he probably definitely wants something from it, but if you're really not comfortable with it, if you know that a relationship is not something you want, he would respect it. He may be a little disappointed, hurt, angry from how you've dealt with it, but not with how you feel. If he is angry with how you feel, and from what you've told me and why you're here, I think he might be, I think he knows it's not really how you feel. And he resents you for lying to yourself."