Unlovable

Chapter Four

Yellow. Why did it have to be yellow?

Kagami hated the color yellow. No matter what shade it was, whenever she wore it, it made her look washed out. That was why she was staring at her reflection in disgust. The pale yellow dress that was her new school uniform looked awful on her and Kagami didn't know how she was supposed to wear it for three years. Why couldn't they have chosen a different color, like blue, or pink? Even pink would have been better than yellow.

Sighing in dissatisfaction over her appearance, Kagami turned away from the mirror. It wasn't just the dress she didn't like though, it was everything else too. Her long brown hair the color of dark chocolate was pulled back into it's customary ponytail, leaving a clear view of her deep blue eyes that always seemed icy cold. She never wore make up, but the creamy color of her skin and natural blush in her cheeks made up for her lack of desire to try to make herself look pretty. In other words, Kagami was extremely pretty.

However, she had never been able to see that. When Kagami looked in a mirror, all she could see was the lonely child that had been bullied and teased by everyone around her. Even though she acted tough, that was all it was; an act. Kagami still thought of herself as weak and pathetic and because of that, she hated the person that she saw in the mirror every day.

Taking off the yellow dress that she hated so much, Kagami carefully hung it up in her closet and changed into a pair of black shorts and a mint green short-sleeved hoodie. She would have preferred to have thrown her uniform on the ground, but her father had warned her that if she ever left even one thing out of place in her room, he would punish her for it. The satisfaction of seeing her uniform in a sad heap on the floor was definitely not worth displeasing her father.

Once she finished changing, she went downstairs to go to the dining room since the staff would have dinner set out by now. She didn't know why they bothered. Kagami would much rather have eaten up in her room since she was usually the only one home anyway and the dining room always seemed so big and empty when she was the only one there.

But Kagami was in for a surprise. As she entered the dining room, only years of practice kept the look of shock from her face. Sitting at the table, looking as strikingly beautiful as usual, was her mother.

Officially, her name was Midori Tsukino, but everyone else knew her as Midori Himura, the famous actress. Even though she was forty-two, she looked like she was still in her early thirties. However, her beauty wasn't natural like Kagami's was. Hers was achieved through lots of make up, dieting, and extreme exercise.

Everyone thought of her as an extremely nice person even though she was known for acting as villainous characters. But Kagami knew better. Every time her mother looked at her with hatred burning in her eyes, Kagami wanted to run as far away as possible. She knew that her mother was really selfish and wasn't capable of loving anyone besides herself. Hate on the other hand, she felt plenty of. And most of it was directed towards her daughter.

"You're late Kagami!" Her mother spit at her. "How dare you keep me waiting here!"

"I'm sorry mother." Kagami said, keeping her voice like ice. "If I had known that you would be home for dinner I would have come down much sooner."

"Oh?" Her mother raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Are you sure about that? I think that if you knew I was here you would have taken even longer just to spite me. You've always been such an awful child."

"I would never do something like that to you mother."

"Don't talk back to me!" Her mother shouted.

As she said this, she walked over to where Kagami stood and raised her hand. Kagami could have stopped it. She was stronger than her mother and had better reflexes. But if she did that her mother would only find worse ways to punish her. So she watched as her mother brought her hand down and slapped her on her right cheek. She didn't flinch, didn't even let her head move the slightest bit. Kagami kept her expression cold so she wouldn't show the sting she was feeling. Any sign of weakness she gave would be something her mother could latch on to, something she could use to torment her in the future. So Kagami just continued to stand there looking straight ahead.

"You are such an ungrateful child!" Her mother continued to rant. "The only reason I ever gave birth to you was because Takahiro wanted an heir to his company! But then you turned out to be a girl! You're lucky we still treat you so well even though you're completely useless!"

Kagami had heard this speech, or variations of it, too many times to count. She should have been used to it, but in a small corner of her heart, it still hurt. When she was younger, she would have burst into tears, giving her mother even more reasons to torment her, but now she simply stayed silent and impassive, tuning out most of the things her mother was saying. Usually if she did this, her mother would eventually run out of things to say and the slight pain Kagami felt from every word that was thrust at her would fade away.

This time, an all too real pain interrupted her mother's tirade. She had been slapped again and one of her mother's nails had caught on her cheek. Kagami felt something warm running down the side of her face and knew that she was bleeding, but she ignored it. Her mother was still furious and Kagami didn't want to risk making her angrier.

"Are you listening to me Kagami?" Her mother yelled. "You are nothing! You were a mistake! One I have regretted ever since the very first moment I saw your face! If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be struggling so much right now! I was actually told that my acting is getting boring and that I should take a couple of days off to rediscover my talent! Me! I can't believe that second rate director had the nerve to say something like that to an actress as talented as I am!"

Oh, so that was it. That was why her mother had come home without warning and was in a worse mood than usual. Someone had insulted her acting and now she was throwing a fit. Unfortunately, Kagami had to bear the brunt of her mother's little temper tantrum. Still, she kind of wanted to meet the director who told her mother that she had no talent. However he was, he had her respect. There weren't many people brave enough to say something like that to Midori Himura, even if it was true.

"I'll make sure that man pays for this! I won't go back to the set until he begs me to! Then he'll be sorry for saying that I have no talent!"

Kagami tried not to let her dismay show on her face. If her mother stayed true to her word, she would be home for at least a week. Kagami didn't know if she could handle that. Her cheeks certainly couldn't. Having her mother around for so long would be a nightmare, one she couldn't wake up from. Her respect for the director was now seriously diminished.

Once again, her mother turned to face Kagami. "And since this is all your fault, I'm going to have to punish you. Go to your room Kagami and stay there for the rest of the night. Also, you're looking a bit fat so I don't want you to eat any dinner tonight. If I find out that you disobeyed me and took some food for the kitchen I'll make your punishment even worse. Do you understand me?"

"Yes mother."

Kagami bowed and left the room, never letting her impassive mask slip from her face. It was fine. She wasn't hungry, she wasn't hurt by what her mother said, and she wasn't going to cry. She was fine. Just fine.

Closing the door to her room, Kagami headed towards a chest that stood at the foot of her bed. Opening it, she looked down at her sketchbooks and art supplies and immediately a sense of comfort overcame her. Drawing always made her feel better. She was the one in control, the one who made all the decisions, and no one criticized what she did.

The only thing she was really supposed to use her drawing pads for was to practice drawing building plans. Since her father was the head of a huge architectural firm, Tsukino Inc., he wanted her to know how to draw a building correctly. It was a little old fashioned since most building designs could be created by a computer, but her father insisted that she should know how to do it by hand as well.

However, only some of her sketchbooks were used for practice. Pulling off the false bottom of her chest that she had made herself, Kagami revealed another set of art supplies. Instead of just pencils, erasers, and rulers, this one had charcoal, colored pencils, pastels, and her secret collection of drawing pads. These ones were full of the things that Kagami actually wanted to draw. Flowers, butterflies, trees. The things that Kagami saw but could never tell anyone about because she didn't have anyone to talk to.

Taking out a new sketch pad, Kagami began to draw.