Unlovable

Chapter Fifty-One

Kagami wanted to go home. And by home, she didn't mean to her parent's loveless excuse for a house. No, she wanted to go back to Keiko's apartment. She wanted movie nights and laughter, and home cooked meals, and a house that didn't feel like it was empty no matter how many people filled it. And most of all, Kagami wanted the love that had constantly filled Keiko's small living space, the warmth that was always there. Kagami wanted it so much that she had to constantly fight back the compulsion to bolt out of her family's mansion and run back to Keiko's apartment. Every moment she spent in her house now was so painful that it was a physical ache. Now that she new what true warmth felt like, her parents cold indifference was agonizing, and Kagami couldn't stand it. And it had only been a week.

Kagami had seen Keiko once since that time, and it had taken all the self-control she had not to throw her arms around the older woman and beg to go back to her apartment. Instead, she had simply smiled and said hello in a voice that was probably far too cheerful to sound convincing. Keiko had responded in a similar voice and they had gone on with their work. They hadn't talked about Kagami's sudden departure, or the note she had left behind.

Sighing for what was probably the hundredth time in the past minute, Kagami stared listlessly down at the notebook on her desk and tried to work up the energy to take notes, but she just couldn't do it. She was so tired. That was another problem she had encountered ever since leaving Keiko's. Since she had slept with a light on at Keiko's apartment, her fear of the dark had returned with a vengeance, and now, back in her room where she couldn't show any weakness and she slept in complete darkness, it had become almost impossible for her to sleep at night. She knew it was ridiculous, but the darkness of her room just seemed to be suffocating her, and so she would lay in bed for hours, heart beating far too fast and breathing labored, before sleep managed to finally claim her. And so now, she was exhausted and taking notes didn't seem worth the effort. She would have to ask Haruhi for a copy later.

So, Kagami loosened her hold on her pencil, knowing that she didn't really look like she was taking notes, but also knowing that the teacher wasn't going to be asking her any questions, and allowed her eyes to glaze over. For the rest of the class period, she was going to attempt to empty her mind and try not to think of anything at all, she was especially going to try hard not to think of Keiko, her apartment, or how much she missed it.

*******

Thinking of nothing would have been much easier for Kagami if she hadn't felt two pairs of eyes boring into her all throughout class. She had tried to ignore them though, she really had. But as soon as she had glanced to her left and seen that Hikaru and Kaoru were staring at her, it had been impossible to erase that fact from her mind. Kagami was tempted to turn around and glare back at them, but that would have been seriously immature, not to mention it probably would have made most of the other students start cowering in fear, and Kagami didn't want to cause a disruption that big during class, so Kagami endured it.

But as soon as class was over and lunch began, Kagami turned in her seat and raised an eyebrow, her eyes cold, It was amusing to see how quickly the class emptied after that, although Hikaru and Kaoru were completely unaffected by her gaze. They started walking up to her despite her fierce gaze. It really was a pity that her regular glare no longer had an effect on them.

"I never realized that the two of you found my back to be so captivating." She said dryly as the twins reached her desk. "You were staring at it for over an hour."

"Well," Hikaru said worriedly, "that's because you weren't taking any notes, which only happened when you got sick."

"Are you still not feeling well Kagami?" Kaoru asked as he reached forward to feel her forehead. "You haven't been looking so great this week, and you've been sighing a lot."