Run To Me

Encouragement

"I can't do it."

"Yes, you can.  You're strong and you can."

"But I'm scared Tom, really really scared.  This is goodbye, I'm not strong enough for goodbye."

Tom and Molly were sitting in her kitchen almost ten days after the single worst day of Molly's relatively short life.  She had met up with Helen, she had helped organise things no sister wants to organise for their brother and she had relied on Tom more than she ever thought possible.  He had held her when she cried, laughed with her when she reminisced and dodged the verbal flack when she got angry.  It was all perfectly normal and perfectly understandable.  So, this was nothing he hadn't seen coming.

Molly looked over at him, sitting there suited and booted.  Black really suited him, she thought in a completely inappropriate moment.  Anything not to think about what the next few hours would hold. He smiled at her and her heart was surrounded by that warm cosy feeling that she'd come to know so well. She smiled thinly.

"I know you're right Tom, you're always right." she shrugged and he walked over, leaned down and kissed the top of her head.  

"Infuriating isn't it?" he winked and despite the angst, despite the grief she laughed.  Really laughed.  

"You are definitely the most irritatingly, annoyingly, astonishingly, infuriatingly" she paused and looked up at him, her eyes glowing "wonderful man I have ever known. Thank you." she leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his waist where he stood. "With you, I can do anything."

"That's my girl.  There she is." he said softly. "Now, we have half an hour before we have the car coming for us, let's have a drink and some toast ok? " he held up his hand as she started to object. "I KNOW you said you weren't hungry, but believe me, it's going to be a long and tiring day until you get another chance.  Take it now, please?" he ran a hand softly down her cheek to cup it.  She closed her eyes and leaned into it, relishing the feeling.

"Ok, just a half slice then.  Just to keep you happy."

"Good."

As the day wore on, Molly was glad of that half slice.  It was long, hot, emotionally devastating and all she wanted to do was crawl off into a hole and hide.  She didn't though.  She was every bit as strong as James would have wanted.  She cried, of course she did, but she was also strong.  For herself, for Helen and for the multitude of people that came to pay their respects.

Greeting them in the line after the service, she shook hands, she hugged and she kissed.  What she didn't do, was notice the small old man that approached her and paid his respects.  He held her hand and she saw something in his eyes that struck her as true sadness, much like her own. 

"How, how did you know James?" she asked kindly "thank you for coming."

"Oh I knew him a long time ago, we lost touch but I was a friend of your mothers." he smiled, "You've turned into quite the young woman now.  James would be so proud of you.  Here, like this." he walked off and Molly had a sudden urge to call out to him.

"If you're around for a few days, maybe you'd like to get a coffee?  There's so much we don't know, you know, about before." she said softly and he smiled. 

"I'll see what I can do." and he walked off.  It wasn't until much later, she realised he had no way of contacting her, or vice versa. Oh well, maybe one day the truth will come out, she thought.

In the days following the funeral, Molly and Helen spent many hours going through James's belongings.  In truth, he didn't have many, but those he did launched an avalanche of memories for both of them.  What should really have taken hours, took days. They came across shoe boxes full of mementoes and notes and pictures.  Shells from the beach, report cards from Molly's school days - some good some not quite so good, making them both laugh.  A consistent feature being Molly's constant line in chatter.

On what turned out to be the final day, they came across a small leather satchel at the back of a chest of drawers, jammed against the wall in his office.  Working as a freelance, he had a small office where he did his accounts and correspondence and all the peripherals that came with running a business.  

To begin with, as Molly sifted through the contents, it all looked similar. Letters from clients, letters from the bank, letters from... James???

One large A5 brown envelope addressed simply "Molly". On the back, it said "To you Little Sister. If I'm ever gone."   Molly felt her stomach churn and her eyes prick with tears.  Helen saw it and gasped a little.

"Oh Molly, is... is that from...?" 

"Yes, yes I believe it is.  Do you want to read it together?" 

"No honey, this is just you and him.  I've a couple of calls to make, now seems a good time.  I'll be in the living room if you need me ok?" she stood up and stretched "I really need to stop sitting on the floor, it kills...." she paused and they looked at each other. There was a miniscule silence and Molly smiled.

"Yes, yes it certainly does!" the tension was gone and Helen left the room.

Hands shaking, Molly tore open the envelope.  Inside was a single sheet of A4 folded in half.  She instantly recognised James's writing, She instinctively smiled, after all these years, she was still one of the few who could decipher it, he should have been a doctor!  With the paper, was another, yellowed envelope, addressed to James that remained unopened.  The post mark was at least ten years old and Molly was curious and not a little afraid. What was going on?

She unfolded the paper and began to read.  Five minutes later she stood, refolded it carefully and called out to Helen she had to go and see to something and would be back soon.  Without stopping, she grabbed her jacket and phone.

As she got onto the bus home, she dialled Tom's number.  Voicemail.

"Tom?  When you get this can you call me please.  I need you.  I need you now."