INCLINATION

CHAPTER 16 | Silver Platter

EMIHLE

He's been silent since we got in the jet and i decided to leave him to his thoughts cause my mind also is very preoccupied with everything that his mother said. I understand where's she's coming from but that doesn't mean that what she said to me didn't really hurt. She went below the belt and started taking jabs at me and every punch she landed hurt like hell. I wanted to be alone, curl in bed and cry until I felt numb again and possibly disappear from the face of the earth but that can't happen cause my family will be very hurt and Hlanga too.

His mother wants me to stay away from him cause I have caused him so much heartache that she thinks it's better that I'm not part of his life more than I already am. His mother hates me, the whole family does. When she said that I'll never be part of her family, I felt my heart breaking. I wanted to beg her to take those words back because I love her son despite what happened. I didn't intentionally hurt Hlanga, I never did that but she wouldn't believe. She wants me to leave him alone so I won't hurt him again. She's already expecting the worst from me without giving me a chance to show her that I do love her son, always have and always will. If I were to listen to her and do as she asked, I'll still be breaking his heart. I'm damned if I stay with him and I'm damned if I walk away from him again. No matter what decision I make. I will be blamed and I'm always going to be a bad person in their eyes.

Just a few hours ago, I made promises to him that I'm never going to lie to him, keep things from him and no one is ever going to come between us again. I meant every word I said and I am going to keep my promises to him. His mother will just have to deal with it. It's time I started to put myself first and my happiness. I love Hlanga and I'm never going to let him go again even if that means it will create a wedge between him and his mother. I afraid of telling him everything his mother said because I don't want him to be mad at her and distance himself from her but i don't have a choice, i have to tell him.

I was thinking about how we met before he disturbed my thoughts, past memories that have always stayed with me. Sometimes I would visit them again and again when I found myself missing him. That night on my 21st birthday, he made it special. The best birthday i have ever had because of him. It was scary to let him touch me like that but because I trusted him. I let him touch me the way he wanted to and boy he did. He taught me things I didn't know about my body.

He made my body come alive with his hands. No man had ever seen me naked but him. No man had ever touched me like that but him. All the things that I know today about how to please a man. I learned them from him. He taught me how to listen to the needs of my mind. How to connect my mind to my body so it could one when he touched me. He only touched me that night, kissed me everywhere and yes, he gave me my first orgasm. I didn't know what to do to myself when all those feelings and emotions hit me.

He did keep his word and we didn't do anything I didn't want to do like lose my virginity that night. It wasn't time and I wasn't ready to take that step with him but as I slept on his arms that night, I knew that I loved Hlanga very much. I knew that one day, he is the man I was going to give myself too. It was hard to go home to next day cause I didn't want my time with him to end. I was scared that I wasn't going to see him. I cried before we left his house because I knew I wasn’t going to see him for a while and I was right because when Zonke came to pick me up so she could drive me home, he told me that he had asked for a few days off at work and had to leave that day.

I cried in his arms. I didn't want him to go, I wanted to see him everyday and spend time with him but that wasn't possible cause he had to leave. Hlanga never talked about his job except that he works for the government. I finally asked him thay day and he told me he works for the military, that's why he's never home and always abroad. It made sense but it still hurt. He promised to see me in a few months again and I was okay with it because I loved him. Saying goodbye to him was hard and Zonke had to comfort me the whole 3ay home. Every time I think about that day, my heart hurts.