INCLINATION

CHAPTER 31| Voices In My Head

ANDILE

 
I get up and put my head on the wall, the walls are talking to me. I can see their eyes following me everywhere I go. They stare and sometimes they glare at me not saying anything but I can hear their voices in my head. They are loud. Their screams is what I hear the most. Begging me to not kill them. I laugh at them because they are stupid.
 
The sound pathetic but I love looking at them and seeing the fear in the eyes for what I’m about to do to them. The fear is what gives me the thrill of enjoying killing them. Seeing the light disappear in their eyes, feeling their soul as it leaves the body. I gave me a high I couldn’t explain, a thrill that I have been chasing since my first kill. The walls move again then they laugh at me, they are pointing me and laughing.
 
“ Stop it! Stop laughing at me!” I shout at them.
Their laughs turn into cries of horror as they scream in excruciating pain. I put my hands in my ears to stop hearing them, I close my eyes so I won’t see their bloody bodies but they are there. In my mind, in my head.
“ Get out of my head! I’m not crazy. Stop this!” I scream.
I feel my hands wet with something. I move them then see them covered in blood.
“ No! No! No! Get this off me!”
I wipe the blood on my clothes and if looks like my clothes are getting soaked with more blood.
“ Stop this! Stop this! Let me out of here!”
 
I get up and run to the door banging on it but it doesn’t open, it never opens. They are haunting me, they always come at the same time. I would hear their voices and their cries. The people that I killed are back for my blood. I bang the door and screaming until I stop. I fall down and lay my head on the cold floor. The floor always makes the voices in head disappear. Tears stream down on my face as I lay there until I fall asleep.
 
A ringing sound is what wakes me up. I slowly open my eyes and I’m on the bed. Cold and hard but that what I’ve been sleeping on the past 8, 9 months or a year? I can’t remember, I lost count after 6 months. I sit up just as the door opens. Tears fall as my heart jumps at the thought of seeing the sun, feel the fresh air on my skin and fill it in my lungs.
 
I get up before they change their mind. I don’t know what kind if prison I am held at because this is no ordinary prison. I have never seen anyone or head anyone’s voice since I was brought here but I know there are people here. Who else would cook for me and bring the food?. The door closes behind me, I walk out ad the gates open and close behind me until I am at the shower room.
 
I take off my clothes, fold them then I walk to where my things are. The moment my feel touch the cold tiles,  the water spayed out. I wash my body and do what I always do. Look for a way out but the walls are so ridiculously high, it’s impossible to get to the windows. I know I’m going to have another shower in three days so I need to make sure I wash every inch of my body.  I finish showing then brush my teeth.
 
My clothes are gone as always and new ones are placed. I don’t know how these people work and walk without being seen or head. It’s like they are ghosts. I wear the clothes they provided and they are always knew. Each time they bring clothes it’s always a different size because I’m always losing weight and my mind.
 
Starring at nothing but the four smalls walls would fuck anyone up. It’s messing with my head because everything that I have done, the pain I have caused people is all coming back to me. I wish I could shut these thoughts but I can’t, they are slowly eating me up and driving me crazy. All I can do is relive what I did, think and plot my revenge. I will get out of here soon and my brother will pay dearly.
 
I walk in the room and see a plate of food and water. I sit down and eat. I k ow my food is mixed with my pills and I always eat it because if I don’t. I would have long killed myself and I won’t do that. I’m not a coward and I have many things left to do in this earth. The plate is made out of paper, the spoon and cup out if plastic. They wouldn’t dare take a change to give me a steel fork, knife or even spoon because they know to me, it’s a weapon.
 
I look around this room and it’s always the same, a chair and a table but today, it has two chairs. The doors leading to a door I didn’t know existed open. Two men walk in wearing black clothes that hide their face, arms and legs and they come straight at me. They have nothing on them, no weapons or anything. Before I  an even get up, they are on me. They grab me then drag me out of there.
 
We pass two doors then when the third one opens they throw me down. I smiled my eyes because the sun is blinding me. I get up after a while and take a deep breath filling my lungs with fresh air.
 
“ Take it all in little brother”
I shift and see my brother casually leaning on the wall. I take a step back k from him. Hlanga is dangerous very unpredictable. I never know what I’m going to be dealing with when I’m around him.
 
I could weep right now cause I haven’t talked to anyone in months or even hear anyone’s voice or be around another person.
“ Please let me go. I promise you I have learned my lesson”
He moves off the wall and walks towards me with his hands in his pockets. I take a step back again.
“ I’m not here to hurt you, sit down”
I look at him then see a bench. I walk towards it making sure that I am facing him. I hesitantly sit down. He does too, opposite me.
“ Hlanga……”
“ Shhhh….can you hear that?”
He asks, he’s what?. I listen but I don’t hear anything. I shake my head. “ I hear nothing”
“ Exactly,  it’s quiet but the silence is very loud. Isn’t it little brother?”
The was a time I loved hearing him call me that. It meant everything to me until “ Andile?”
“ It’s too quiet. I don’t like it”
“ Cause you can’t control like how you’d normally do. What does the silence do to you?”
I look away. He doesn’t care about what I feel. “ Are the voices in your head loud? What about the visions you get of what you did when close your eyes. Are they too much, louder?”
 
“ What the hell do you want from me? What is this place?”
“ This is home, where you belong. Where you should have been many years ago. I thought you would enjoy being here”
I chuckle cause he’s crazy. “ You’re fucken crazy! Who the hell would enjoy a fucked up place like this you fucken psycho?”
“ We both know who’s the fucken psycho between the two of us. This is exactly where you belong, where you are going to spend the rest of your miserable life at.”
 
“ No!, No! Take me to a normal jail. I don’t want to be here, I won’t fucken survive in this place!”
“ You are not fit to be around other people. You’re a danger to society Andile. This place is good for you"
“ You mother fucker! You have been planning on getting me here for years. You sick fuck!”
“ Don’t call me names Andile, I don’t like that, I knew the day would come and it did. I was patient and my patience paid off”
“ You build this place didn’t you?” He smirks. “ how many people are you keeping prisoner her too?”
“ You know, I wanted Charlotte to join you here but then I thought it’s best she took the fall for all the murders you two did since she was your sidekick”
“ That bitch! She killed my mother, where the fuck is she?”
“ Dead, she killed herself after we chopped off her fingers and took out her tongue”
“ And they think I’m the sick one where your more sicker than me”
 
He laughs. “ Does it make you feel better when you tell yourself that?”
“ Where’s my father? I need to talk to him. I know he would talk some sense into that head of yours”
“ Dad? Oh, he killed himself because he couldn’t live with the shame of what he did. Coward” I shake my head and a tear drops.
No matter how bad I was, I know that my father loved me and he always wanted what was best for me.
 
“ Did you give them a proper burial?”
“ I did and it was a beautiful send off. You should have been there”
I look at him.  He has always been taller, bigger and smarter than me. He excelled at school, with anything he did and that’s why they recruited him under special forces to train him so he can be an agent. I wanted to join too but I failed the psychological evaluation. My dream of wanting to work side by side with my brother just went down the drain.
 
“ I deserve to have a lawyer and stand in front of the judge so he can hear my case. If he gives me a life sentence then I will gladly accept it and serve my time. You have no right to keep me here!”
“ I warned you Andile, many, many times but you never listened to me. You thought I was playing, am I playing right now? Look at where you’re at”
“ It’s not my fault that….”
He whistles “ the next words coming out of your mouth will determine how you’re staying will be from now on so choose your words very carefully before things get worse for you”
“ Worse? I live in a fucken cage, that room was meant for a dog and not a human being”
“ You’re a dog, the only thing missing is a chain around your neck.”
“ Fuck you, you psycho. Emy will one day see that you’re more sick than I am"
 
He laughs then his face changed to rage. “ Don’t you dare say her name.”
“ You know what makes this place bearable for me?”
“ Don’t push me Andile, I’m warming you?”
“ Thoughts of her. What I did to her, fucking her, beating…aaahhhhh" I scream in pure agony as my face gets splashed with my blood.
“ You…you chopped off my hand!” I fall down, crying  screaming in pain holding my arm and looking at my and in the table. I’m getting weak…I’m getting.
 
“ I chopped off the hand that used to hurt her and I will chop the other one. Maybe your leg since you used to like kicking her…”
“ You….you….chopped...” I close my eyes and black out after her him say.
“ You don’t get to die today you little fuck.” He pokes me with something then I pass out.