the bad couple

chapter 32

"leia, your late" my science teacher called as I walked in twenty minutes after the bell, i was busy spray painting the bathroom.
"tell someone who cares" i say taking my usual seat, i hear a few people giggle making me roll my eyes, then I lock eyes with callum, i stare into his tired bloodshot eyes then quickly look away to ameilia beside me.
"i was wondering how long it would be until you went back to yourself" she chuckled, she was my best friend, she wasn't bad herself, she was too self conscious but still loved it when I flipped the teachers off, she knew I got shot but she thought that it was an accident in a random shooting in the town late at night.
"yeah, the past month has been pretty boring having to listen to all these teachers without flipping them off" she giggles again.
"can you two please keep it down, leia you've done so well, don't give up now" she says sounding like a bitch.
"i don't think I'll be able to shut up so maybe I should just leave!" I say grabbing my bag and heading for the door.
"Leia, sit down right now!" she shouts, i turn to face her.
"i just went through a month listening to your voice without telling you to shut the fuck up, i cant go another minute" i snap, she states back shocked after having a month of a completely clean record and then I suddenly snap, but who wouldn't?
I turn and walk out quickly, ignoring the footsteps that follow.
"leia, wait!" callum shouts, i start running and go into the girls bathroom admiring my work, then the door flies open and callum walks in, he looks around before giving me a disappointed look.
"you've already got a month with a clean record, why are you fucking up now!?" he demands, i glare at him before answering.
"i told you last night callum, I'm done letting people hurt me, i don't care about going to a discipline school anymore, and I sure as fuck don't care that you have to aswell, they can't think they have some sort of power over me, no one is allowed to think that of me ever again!" I shout back.
"your being a spoiled brat!"
"your a selfish dick!"
"I'm not doing this again"
"then leave" I challenge.
"i get that you don't want anyone to be over you, but don't ruin it for me too"
"why not? I don't care about you callum, i don't care about shit anymore!" I shout at him.
"leia, i know your going through alot, i get it, please let me help you get through it" he says sincerely, i nearly give in but remember the pain I'm in and hoe much worse it will get if i let him in.
"you don't get it, you can't help me, this is who I am, no one will change it so just fuck off!" I say pushing hos chest, he grabs my wrists and holds me against a wall staring into my eyes.
"leia, please" he says in a low voice.
"let me go" i say sternly.
"let me help"
"no, you can't, just leave me alone"
"I can't leave you alone, i cant do that again"
"you already did"
"leia, let me help, you can't push everyone away forever, let me in"
"no callum, I'm not doing that again, just leave!" I try to pull away again, and fail.
"leia, please" he shouts.
"no, I cant do this" i pull away successfully this time and run out, i run outside into the street, ignoring the rain that's been going on since last
Night, i run to the park and sit on a bench, i pull my legs to my chest and hug them tightly, letting the tears floe freely down my cheeks, i love him so much, so much it hurts, i hate that I love him, he's hurt me and I'm scared that I'll let him in, but I love that I love him because it makes me feel amazing to care about someone like that, i just wish he felt the same.
"excuse me, are you ok?" an old man walking his dog asks me, he has short white hair and baggy wrinkly skin, but a warm comforting smile.
"no, I'm not" i say wiping my eyes, he sits down beside me.
"your leia smith, aren't you?" he asks, i look at him in shock and confusion.
"i thought i recognised you, remember Mrs Howard?"
"yes... Do you know her?"
"she's my twin sister, she was the one who heard you that night and that went to check on you, i phoned the police and ambulance and helped break into the house, i didn't hear you screaming so I didn't believe her, I just thought she was losing her marbles, i wanted to meet you for so long, i wasn't allowed to when you were in hospital, whats Happened? How are you?" I stare at him and can't help what happens next, i wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close, i was only told my neighbour heard me screaming and phoned for help, i didn't know they broke in or anything like that.
"thank you do much" i say, he hugs me back.
"your welcome, how are you?" he asks as I pull away.
"i... Don't know anymore" i admit.
"why are you crying?"
"it's a long story"
"you can tell me"
"it's nothing really, just guy trouble"
"you sure?"
"yeah, how's your sister, i wasn't close to her and I wasn't told her name"
"she was called daisy, she died last year, cancer" he says looking down to his dog who is panting breathlessly at his ankles.
"I'm so sorry" I say sincerely.
"it's ok, she lived a full life, this little man stood by me in it all" he says ruffling the dogs fur.
"he's cute" i say smiling at the dog.
"yeah, I'm sorry, i have an appointment, i should go, good luck, bye" he says getting up.
"bye" i say waving to him, he smiles and whistles for his dog to follow, he dissappears down the street in the direction of the doctors and i sit back against the bench, what now? Should I forgive callum, let him in, no, I cant,
I cant go through that again, he doesn't deserve it.

I arrive home after finally getting a cab home, I make some pot noodles and watch some TV, eventually I fall asleep on the sofa, drifting off to a deep sleep littered with images of callum, his smile, chuckle, dimples, eyes, sarcasm, everything, i love him so much, i have to stop, how do you stop loving someone?