Letter Supply | Shaylor

Nineteen - Kid in Love, or Heartbreak

"
Taylor,

And I know that we just met
Maybe this is dumb

But I got a feeling from the moment that we touched (through letters of course)

Cause, It's alright I want to make you mine.

We should start over. I excuse your demanding and pushy attitude through your letters. I am sorry for ignoring. I'm here to stay.

I wanna make you mine.

I mean, my pen pal. It's too late to scribble or start over. Ugh I'm weird.

No, I'm not weird. This is me.

Maybe I'm just a kid in love.

Ever felt that? Is it weird to be in love with you? I mean if this completely makes you feel uncomfortable. I will stop. If I don't get a response from you, then I know where we stand. But hey, I think I like you.

This infatuation is building up to the point where I can't take it anymore. I have to admit it. You see, I spent my time the other day with this guy I've know my whole life, he did something unexpected.

It made me realize the connection I have with you. That guy doesn't give me butterflies but you do. Your letters and secret admiration cards in my lockers give me feelings.

Hope we can meet one day.

Mostly love,

Shawn Mendes "

It feels like déjà vu as I put the pen down and seal the envelope with my letter, definitely giving it a small kiss before getting ready to mail this out.

I remember how he signed of his first letter,

with the slightest bit of love

Now my letter says

mostly love

Look at how things change in an instant.

Right so, it's true.

I mentioned Cameron in this letter.

He likes me. It took me to analyze the kiss. I honestly didn't get it. Anyone can kiss anyone. I did not feel a connection. He did. It's fine. I told him it's alright. I treat him the same way, if anything, better than before. Because, I know how it feels to be pushed aside when having feelings. I do love cameron, just not in that way. And that night, for a moment, I actually thought I loved Cameron more than he loved me but no, I'm not saying it's one sided but it's a scale that Cameron happens to over weigh. It makes me feel terrible.

Anyways, here I am sending the letter in the mailbox and walking home. Before I decided to stop home I kind of decided to go to the store. I wanted to get my mom something. I've been distant and always making excuses to hang out with Taylor, I owe her.

She's practically alone at home all the time on behalf of dad and Aaliyah training for hockey. and hey, I'm leaving to LA next week already, with the guys. Time flies.

Well not next week... I mean today is kinda Friday and I went out with Cameron on Wednesday, okay I'm done talking about just these days and what not. Straight up, I've been in school for three weeks and I'm going on break next week. Stop right there.

So I suppose, uh, I dunno what do moms like. A portfolio of coupons, what, soap? Maybe like wine. Well I'm underage. Damn.

"That will be $17.38, paper or plastic?"

"No bag, it's fine."

I tucked the small items in my backpack and held what couldn't fit with my hands as I somewhat cradled it.

It was like a twenty minute walk away. I was just singing. No one really knows but I mean I do. It's lingering every footstep I take.

And I will walk that road ahead...

Home.

I turned a corner but saw a new unfamiliar car in the driveway. Suddenly the door opened. I saw a guy walk out but before he could get to my car a familiar figure walked up to him and kissed him hard before leaving. "Hhhhh.." I panted. My mom was cheating.

I mean I shouldn't assume but, he kissed her. Directly kissed. And I thought, how.. how do I look up to someone like her?

Don't.. I don't know what to do.

"Can-can you pick me up?" I weeped through the phone. "Love you too.. please come soon."

Heartbroken.

-

"I don't want to ever go back home." I said in a monotone voice while staring blankly in the passenger seat. "Why?" he asked.

"No.. it's personal."

"Well, son, you can't expect me to understand if won't tell me. And besides, what's all that cake on your shoes." I looked down. "Out of shock.."

I didn't want to tell my dad, I couldn't. I shouldn't. If anything. I need to tell my mom first. At least talk it through her.

"So. Why pick you up when you're so close to home? Aaliyah has a game today, and what about your mom."

"Don't want to talk about it."

I wrote ferociously in a journal of mine, while waiting for my dad and here I am still writing in it and I probably will be later as well. It helps with the stress and thoughts I can't put into verbal words, occasionally song lyrics too.

"If anything I'd expect Cameron."

"No." I didn't bother to say anything. Nor did he. We just went to the game and I sat in the far corner away from everyone else while my dad was coaching.

Hoodie covering my forehead, sunglasses on, avoiding everything with my arms crossed and my feet on the other chair in front of me.

"Excuse me..." he poked at my knee with his thigh as he tried to pass. I didn't look up or apologize. Only moving my feet aside.

To my dismay, he sat right next to me. Literally right beside me. Why? I hate strangers.

"You know... It's not usually respectful to be inside a building with a hat slash hood or glasses on." he spoke in a really deep, intimidating voice but I remained silent.

"And... I guess I'm not respectful." I sighed.

I felt him getting closer to me and in that moment I swear I was going to get beat up, I mean that voice earlier was so convincing that he was probably a big masculine guy.

"You're not okay, are you?" the guy whispered.

And in that moment I instantly knew.

- 💞 -

I say I'll stop updating because I don't get much reads but hey honestly, fuck that, I write because I like to and it makes me happy so I'll just casually keep updating everything I post without worrying about the notification count of my chapters.

Like tbh, I don't mean to hate or shade, but I'm not a fan of saying "15 votes and I'll update" that's lame like come on write and publish when you feel as if you're satisfied with yourself.

No lie, I mean my other books I do that to, but I don't state that I want certain amounts of notes, but I mean, I'm like aw if that update gets like 5 votes I'll update, but I don't actually announce it, it's just s thought but usually I update even if it doesn't get where I want it to be at. I mentally give myself goals, it's completely understandable to say that it's your goal but just to tell people oh vote or no update, then dam...

Ugh sorry if some of you hated my rant bc maybe some of you do tell people to vote or comment before publishing but hey I'm sorry that's how I personally feel when people do that and like oh well.

[ june 4 - 4:00 p ]