Letter Supply | Shaylor

Thirteen - Its Him

"Taylor? What should we do?" I asked him as he kind of just looked at my room while sitting on the edge of my bed like a lost child. "Hmm? I'm sorry. Lots of times looking at someone's room just tells you about them."

Kind of gave me butterflies.

"Well anything you want to know about me, I'm here to answer. Don't read me."

"I want to read you. Your mind and your heart. Let me figure you out."

I was on that edge, breaking point of just wanting to take him all. I need him.

He makes me so flustered and I'm so in the moment with him I swear I don't know if I can control my feelings. Or what's in my jeans.

"I'm going to use the, restroom real quick." I walked out of my room and made sure to close the door because I didn't need him following me. I mean I'm not going to like do anything. I just need a breather.

Two minutes later, I went downstairs and saw my mom making dinner while watching something on her phone. "New recipe!"

I went to grab some cans of soda for Taylor and I before heading back but my mom commented, "I went to your room... I got kind of scared. Didn't know you had company. You know he is very, very responsible and just so filled with manors. Good choice."

I choked on my drink a little. "Mom! It's only the second day of school. I don't know him that well please, oh gosh ugh."

All I left her with was the slightest giggle we shared. My mom usually never teases me about guys, not even Cameron but I guess Taylor gave her some good appeal.

When I went back upstairs he was standing in front of my bulletin with all these photos and scattered letters from previous friends.

"Never read this yet?" He asked pointing at the water stained envelope. "No.." he paused and just touched it, how the paper crinkled in spots and how some were more delicate than the other parts. "Funny story. It's dried like that because I was opening it but you called."

"Oh sorry."

I picked it up and kind of smiled.

"Should I read it now? It's been a day and I've been holding back so many times."

I took my glance off him. I shouldn't read it now because you know, I'm having some guy over that I may have infatuation with but here I am reading a letter from some guy who has secret feelings for me but can't admit it to my face so he has to write a letter.

" Dear Shawn,

I like you more than you think. I know you more than you think.

Things have been really hard on me lately so I haven't been having the opportunities to do the things I've been wanting to but I swear one day I will reach out to you.

I do care. And I still care.

It's just hard.

Love,
TMC "

My heart fluttered. Like always, doesn't everyone make me feel this way? I need to stop. My heart races for everybody but, is it a real feeling? Do I even know the difference from actually liking someone, to just getting butterflies.

I wish I knew myself and understood love.

"Sounds like a keeper..." Taylor spoke.

"I guess.. I think he needs someone to talk to."

I looked at the name he signed off with. "TMC." Oh gosh I'm dumb. Thats the initials of my pen pal! I can't take this in. I'm about to squeal. I want to fan girl!

Taylor can't see me like this!

"Shawn you okay?"

I nodded and threw myself into the bed and screamed in my pillow.

"My pen pal. This is the guy I've been waiting for."

"Wow. You talked about him today and now some letter hmm... do you forgive him?"

I remember telling Taylor and Cameron that I don't know if I can keep him in my life. I said how I don't think I will accept any apologies.

I feel so happy right now, in the sense that I will instantly take him back.

But he was never mine to begin with...

[ june 1 - 9:47a ]