Don't be afraid just let me help. Jay McGuiness (The Wanted) Fan Fiction

Chapter 11

I found myself sat in an awkward silence. Jay walked in handing me over a cup of tea. I felt the heat rush back into my hands after being out in the cold for so long. We hadn’t said a word to each other the whole way back home. We exchanged looks but that was as far as our communication went. “So?” I said hoping to start off the conversation. Jay sighed as he sat down on the chair at the other side of the room. Well I was in for a fun chat!

“Are you actually going to talk? Don’t say we need to talk then not talk Jay.” I said staring at him trying to figure out how he felt. His eyes didn’t leave mine it was like he was staring into my soul and not going to lie I was uncomfortable. “Yeah I just need to figure out what I’m going to say.” He mumbled. “Haven’t you been doing that the last few weeks?” I said making it very obvious that I was upset and angry with him. It frustrated me so much that things had changed. I liked how things used to be when I first met him. Everything felt so natural. “That’s not true.” He said looking at me. He looked sad. “I love you Beth. I know I shouldn’t let my feelings come in the way of our friendship so I tried to hide it but obviously I just made you feel like you were unwanted.” He paused for a while I could see he was going to speak again so I kept quiet. “It was the last thing I ever wanted. Beth you mean a lot to me. I never expect to like you the way I do and I know you don’t feel the same I can tell. I know it.” He frowned taking a deep breathe. “But I do want you here, I want you to stay here and continue getting back on your feet. I mean you’re doing so well. When I came home and you weren’t here and you left your keys and your bag was gone my heart sunk. I felt my heart break. I know you aren’t with me in that way but I love your company and I loved seeing you do so well.” He took a deep breathe as he looked up and looked into my eyes.

We had sat in silence for a good half an hour. I hadn’t spoken to him yet. I mean what could I say? I’m sorry I don’t love you? But then it when I thought about things maybe I did love Jay? Or at least cared for him in some way. When he stopped talking to me my heart broke. I looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. “Jay, I know I can’t say ‘I love you too’ because the truth is I don’t, well I don’t know how I feel exactly. But what I do know is I care about you endless amounts.” I spoke quietly. Scared of upsetting him, I mean I don’t think anyone wants to hear the words “I don’t love you” after you’ve said it them.

I lay on the couch as Jay was in the shower. I let my mind wonder. My thoughts were about one thing though, that thing being Jay. I couldn’t get him off my mind at all. His words “I love you.” Kept spinning around in my mind. The truth was I was scared. Terrified. I know it sounds silly. I mean most people would be on top of the world if a man said I love you. I mean most people spend their lives trying to find love and happiness and happiness comes with love. Love is when someone makes you feel on top of the world, how seeing their face hearing their name can just make your day. How seeing them smile makes you smile. I was scared because I knew deep downed I loved him too, but I didn’t want to love him. I hide my feelings from the world because life is easier that way. It wasn’t the happiest but my happiness was brought by just having a roof over my head, by just living my life.  

People say if you find happiness you should never let it go and that’s what I planned on doing. If it meant I couldn’t fall for Jay, it meant that’s what I would do. I planned to do everything I could to make sure I wouldn’t let him find out, that I would make sure the love I had would go away. Our friendship was special, he was special and I didn’t want anything to change.

Comment, vote, fan? :) Sorry its short! It was rushed! I just wanted to update sooner for you all! Again thanks for the feedback, the votes. You're all lil babes! <3 Thanks for the support :) x