Death Battle

Malum Caedo vs Doomguy

Welcome back guys, in this episode I will let Malum Caedo, the guy that can't decide if he wants to be a modern soldier or a crusader, fight against the No-Personality and absolutely uninteresting Protagonist of the Doom games, Doomguy.

They'll fight it out in a requested battle to the death.

They're both similar characters that belong to the "I kill evil demons and I'm absolutely the good guy" category.

There's no reason to even bother reading their lore because their whole schtick is combating evil although nobody asked them to do that.

Their toughest fights:

For Malum it must be the one fight where he challenged the Chaos Invasion of the Forge World of Gaia.

He defeated the servants of the Chaos Gods...yeah, that's it.

Why kill the Chaos Gods if you can just kill their underpowered servants and claim victory?

Doomguy won many not so impressive fights against demons that are weaker than my legs after leg day.

Running around with a weapon arsenal that would make Uncle Sam, Russia and China shit their pants, he mows down demons that are often weakly armed or not armed at all (very impressive).

Their hardest defeat:

Malum's hardest defeat must be the fact that his game is so boring that only 30% of players have finished the first chapter (why even bother?)

Those guys got further than I did, that's for sure. (I didn't even touch the game and I never will)

Doomguy has the same problem, nobody cares about the Doom games anyway, the only two people that did, ended up shooting up their school (Eric and Dylan, yes, I'm talking about you guys)

That's why we have to ask ourselves, how boring must a game be that the folks who are playing it would rather shoot up a school than continue playing it?

The answer is, it's really damn boring, the only reason why people play this game, is to pretend that they're doomslayer and the demons are their classmates that bully them (they can't fight back in the real world, but at least they can in the world of Doom and imagination)

I must admit, there is one good thing about the Doom Franchise, and that's the soundtrack.

No matter if you're working out, getting your ass beat by your drunk dad or literally fighting for your life in the trenches, the soundtrack fits perfectly.

Weapons:

Malum has a more bearable arsenal of weapons than Doomdude. He has long range and melee weapons, just like Doomprick, but it's not too over the top.

Doomlord thinks he has something to prove to all the 13 year olds that play his repetitive game and goes over the roof with his weapon arsenal.

I'm convinced that he could be able to earn billions of dollars if he would choose to sell his weapons.

But why be a businessman and earn money if you can slaughter endless waves of demons for no pay at all?

Doomlad can also crush the skulls of the demons with his bare hands, so why use weapons at all?

And why is he even using a chainsaw when he has swords and guns? What advantage does a chainsaw have over other more effective weapons besides making him look more edgy than the rest of the weapons could.

But I think I have been bashing on Doomsnail long enough, let's look at the stats.

Intelligence: Malum

Battle IQ: Malum

Speed: Malum

Stamina: Doomguy

Strength: Doomguy

Armor: Malum (it looks absolutely badass)

Agility: Doomguy

Feats: Doomguy

Durability: Doomguy

Better Game: Malum (Warhammer 40k)

Experience: Doomguy (Dude has been doing the same exact thing since 1993...what was the definition of insanity again?)

Army: Malum

Power: Doomguy

Abilities: Malum

Hax: Doomguy

Malum: 7

Doomguy: 8

The Battle:

Doombrat finally had enough of stomping on weak af enemies, designed to be completely inferior to him.

So he set out to find a real challenge (someone who's still weaker than him, just not as weak as the demons that he used to fight)

He attacked the Ultramarines and got absolutely wrecked...you thought he could shred through them like he did with some Noname demons?

After his death, he was sent back to hell, but being the restless bully that he is, he began fighting against the wimps (demons) that were supposed to keep him down there.

As always, he was able to get out of hell (cause that's what Doomboys do), and set out to avenge the absolute bruh moment that the Ultramarines put him through (getting his ass whooped by them)

Knowing that he would get absolutely shredded by them again, he chose to attack only one, the Sternguard Veteran Malum Caedo.

Doomgirl at least had the balls to announce his presence to Malum, by swinging his chainsaw around like a number one Leatherface fan (he used to watch a lot of Texas Chainsaw Massacre while he was taking shits on his enemies in hell)

Malum knew who that guy was (he remembers his boys stomping him in their first encounter), he was surprised by his appearance, since he thought he was dead (that would've been too great)

Doombro was too dumb to realize that they're both fighting evil, and should team up instead of fighting each other (Malum Caedo literally means "I kill evil" in Latin, but Doombrain lacks the knowledge to know that)

Doomass starts going wild on Malum. He threw his chainsaw at him (and missed lol), before starting to fire everything he has at him, while Malum does the same.

There is no army to back Malum, he has to do everything by himself (that wouldn't be the first time he does that)

Malum stood his ground and tried his best to fend Doomfart off, but in the end, he got overpowered by all that firepower that Doomnuts had (he has a lot of it), and died as a hero, trying to protect the world from the retard that then went back into hell to continue harassing demons.

Doomboi wins mid diff

Feel free to drop some suggestions for future battles in the comments and thanks for reading.