Meetha sa Ruhani ISHQ

93. Why Mini hated to hope?

Neil understood that she had just composed herself and something is there which has not healed inside her. Her eyes depicted the vulnerability she was trying to hide even from herself.

Neil: Release it out Mini... Speak it out... Better lagega tumhe.

She still had her fist pressed tightly on her chest.

Neil: (held her hands in his and opened her fists) Pain daba lene se khatam nahi hota.... par kisi ke saath baant lene se kam zaroor ho jaata hai..... We all require emotional healing in some point of their life.... Control karne se vo saare emotions bottle up hote jaate hai.... Release them...

Neil looked at Mini. Mini had lowered her gaze.

Mini: Main.... Maine socha tha ki ab.... ab main kabhi koi ummeed nahi karungi... kabhi nahi... kyunki jab ummeed toot jaati hai na... tab bahot pain hota hai... it hurts so much.

Neil was about to say but Mini with her lowered gaze continued speaking.

Mini: Aisa nahi hai ki maine kabhi hope nahi ki.... Bahot baar bahot si ummedein lagayi maine... par har baar.... har baar toot gayi vo ummeed... bahot pain hota tha... but I survived...

She leaned her head on his torso holding his one hand. He wrapped his other arm around her and held her firmly.

Mini: Maine apni life me pehli baar hope ki thi.... ki jab mere papaji london se aayenge na... tab main.. un... unko... gale se laga ke..... bolungi.... ab kahin mat jaana mujhe aur meri babes ko chodke.... but sab toot gaya.... sab bikhar gaya.... Maine sambhala khud ko... meri babes ko...

Neil rubbed her arm to comfort her.

Mini: Second time... meine ummeed lagayi... ki meri babes aur hanuman uncle ki shaadi ke baad... hamari ek happy si... choti si... family hogi.... meri family hogi.... but phir... phir vo ummeed bhi toot gayi...

Mini pressed her hand on her chest, remembering those memories.

Mini: aur itni buri tarah se toot gayi ki... meri babes ne mujhe.. itna hurt kiya mujhe... sirf kuch logo ki baaton me aake... mujhpe trust nahi kiya usne... mujhpe question kiya.... mujhe uski life se... ekdum se jaise bahar fek diya.... 

She clenched her fists tighter and tighter.

Mini: After going to Australia.... because of my friends... I portrayed myself being composed..... It's true ki agar vo nahi hote to main... to main... bikhar chuki hoti.... main khud ko samet kar rakh paayi sirf unki wajah se... Kyunki... kyunki Mickey ne bola tha... Life me na insecurities aur problems aate rahenge... as long as you can deal with it na you can survive anything.... bola tha mujhe.... ki Mini... you have to survive.... kaise bhi situation ho... kaise bhi condition ho.... lekin.... tujhe survive karna hi hai.... to maine kiya survive... khud se bhaagte bhaagte kisi tarah se apne aap ko naye naye activities me baandh liya taaki main khud ko na dekhlu...

Neil caressed her hair to console her.

Mini: Mere liye it was always about Babes... I had sacrificed my everything for her..... everything... Mera entrance clear ho gaya tha delhi college ke photography ke course ka par maine nahi bataya Babes ko kyunki nahi chodke ja sakti thi main usko.... apna career... apne sapne... sapna passion.... sab chod diya tha maine uske liye... but... but she didn't care.... Usko hamesha aisa hi lagta tha ki main khush hu... kyunki Mini ko to... you know... Mini ko to khush rehne ki aadat hai... kyunki Mini brave hai.... par yeh sach nahi hai Neil.... main itni brave nahi hu... mujhe bhi hurt hota tha... bahot hurt hota tha... bahot pain hota tha... main bhi to insaan hi hu na.... hamesha thodi na brave rahungi... par Babes ko yeh baat kabhi samajh hi nahi aayi... Isiliye kabhi iss sab ke baare me zyada der tak sochne ke liye khud ko free rehne hi nahi deti thi.... Taaki main.... Uss Mini ko ignore kar saku jo tooti hui thi... jo vo pain tha... vo tadap thi... usko kisi tarah ignore kar saku... 

Neil got tears in his eyes listening to her emotional breakdown. 

Mini: You know Neil.... Uss incident ke baad... Always... Every sec.... I felt so lonely.... so alone.... so abandoned.... But.... Maine jhela... maine us pain ko bhi jhela.... I felt so bad....(pressing her fist on her chest again) I felt such strong pain deep in my heart for years... Maine kisi ko nahi bataya aaj tak but..... I was..... actually much broken from inside..... Bahot toot gayi thi main... Jab bhi vo sab baatein dimaag me ghumti hai to... andar hi andar.... bahot chubhti hai mujhe vo yaadein... dil hi dil me jaise tees si maarti hai...  

Neil was shocked seeing her in so much pain.

Mini: Vo sab jhelte jhelte bhi... phir bhi maine survive kiya.... khud ko khush dikhaya.... sirf apne sapno ki us udaan se mile sukoon ke sahare guzaar liye maine 5 saal.... 5 saal Neil... it was a very very long time...

Mini looked at Neil and kept her hand on Neil's cheek.

Mini: But Now..... Vo sab yaadon ko peeche chod ke... I have again began to hope...... because of you Neil... I have again hoped for the same... meri apni cute si happy si choti si family.

Neil smiled emotionally.

Mini: Unique for the world but perfect for us.... You, Me and Arya....

She lowered down her gaze again.

Mini: Par mujhse ab aur nahi hoga Neil...

Neil was confused.

Mini: ab aur nahi hoga...

She closed her eyes and let her tears flow from her eyes. Her grip on his hand loosened and she left his hand.

Mini: Iss baar if this hope breaks.... Agar meri yeh ummeed bikhar gayi.... Agar meri yeh family toot gayi na Neil.... I can't bear it anymore.... I can't now... I can't Neil.... I can't.... I won't even be able to survive... Main aur nahi bardaasht kar sakti... aur nahi jhel paungi main... 

Neil hugged her tightly with tears in his eyes. Mini cried in his embrace.

Neil felt bad not only for today but also for the day, he taunted Mini for not having a hope in her life. (EP. NO. 288) He felt so guilty about that day because he know now that how much painful it would have been for her to bear that single taunt said by him. He also had tears in his eyes seeing her crying. A lone tear fell from his eyes too.

Neil: Nahi tootegi Mini. Iss baar nahi tootegi tumhari yeh ummeed. Nahi tootegi tumhari yeh family. I am standing with you this time and I won't let your hope shatter. Neither would let anyone make you shatter down. I am standing with you. Main hoon tumhare saath... Aur hamesha rahunga... Hamesha.

Mini was sobbing. Neil caressed her hair.

She looked at him and he smiled while rubbing her tears off and signalled her also to smile.

Mini mildly smiled to him and rubbed off his tears too.

Neil: Bas aisehi muskurate rehna.... life me ab kuch nahi tootega.... Kuch bhi nahi bikhrega... Kyunki ab hum saath hai..... We are in it?

Both: (smiling) Together!

Neil: Better lag raha hai?

Mini: (nodded) Bahot light lag raha hai... Thanks.

Neil: (kept his hand on her cheek) Ab kabhi koi ummeed nahi tootegi tumhari.... Kabhi bhi nahi... 

Mini smiled keeping her hand on his, slightly tilting her face.

Just then, they heard Arya's anklets sound, as she was coming upstairs.

Mini quickly wiped her face and so did Neil.

They got up and Arya came inside Mini's room.

Mini: Kya hua Chutanki?... Tum soyi nahi?

Arya came to her and hugged her tightly. Mineil were confused.

Arya parted with tears in her eyes.