𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐗 || [𝑴𝒊𝒏𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒈]

Chapter 16- Han's Poem

Dear Diary,

Thinking Of You

Its 2 am
And I'm at my table
Thinking of thinking of you
And what it's done to me

Its 3 am
And I'm by a cliff
Thinking of you thinking of me
And what I could never be to you

The styx shines black like my eyes
Both meant to be shades of blue
A river overlooking the fresh demised
And eyes that can't look at you

The red rocks on the goddamn cliff
Speak to my scarlet wrists
Would you finally love me if
I do what you'd never have wished

You could see my body under the stones
Discover me, If I dare say such
You'll find remnants of my skin and bones
And the parts you never touched

My nose, forever sticking out
Will pick up on your scent
With my teeth scattered, I no longer shout
But the breeze will convey what I meant

I hope you're in the eye of a storm
I hope you feel the pain I did
I hope you don't, now I hope you're home
Away from all the truth I hid

Away from the black and blue
On the brown that marks my skin
Just leave behind the thought of you
And among the rocks where I rest
I'll be smiling
Thinking of you
Thinking of me
Thinking of you

.

Dad will send me off to conversion camp tomorrow. I'm scared. I really am.
Why did I have to fall for Minho? Why did I have to do this to myself?
I'm dirty now. I'm nothing.
I'm a son, a friend, a lover
To no-one in particular
And I'll never trust my heart with decisions again. If Dad changes his mind tomorrow, I'll give Yuqi a treat. She's really been of help. And Miyeon too.
But my heart still calls out to Minho. I shake when I write his name. I can't believe I'm being this pathetic.

I hope I change. I can't bear to be a victim forever.

With Love,
Jisung.