How to Unkill Yourself [ruby da cherry]

How To Unkill Yourself

     "You ready, baby?"

     My vision came back, snapping me out of my trance. It was like I regained consciousness, having been lost in my own mind for who knows how long, just staring in the mirror. The past few weeks had been busy, but not the bad kind. The kind where you have something to look forward to, the kind of busy that entails getting your life together. I was extremely grateful for Ruby -- without him being on hiatus, I wouldn't have been able to get anything together and keep my sanity at the same time.

     "I think so, lemme just make sure I look okay," I responded, looking at Ruby in the mirror. He came closer behind me and placed his hands on my waist, planting a couple of loud, obnoxious kisses on my cheek.

     "You look beautiful. Like always," he complimented, pulling his head back to look at me. I shook my head, a smile growing on my face as I looked at myself once again. My hair was straightened, my makeup simple with brown and black being the only two colors I used. No foundation, no concealer. I'd been getting a full eight hours every night, Ruby made sure of it, so I had no dark circles or bags.

     "Ew," I sighed, nervous to face Daniel and his accomplice in court. I had to testify today, and I didn't think I was ready. Is anyone ever ready for that?

     Ruby let go of me and guided me out of the bathroom. "You're gonna be great, Charlie. Believe me."

     I nodded and walked into the kitchen, then took a water bottle from the fridge. "Maybe."

     "Come on, eat somethin'," Ruby begged.

     "I rarely eat in the morning."

     "Just a banana, then. C'mon."

     I sighed and broke a banana off of the bunch, getting him off my case about eating before we left. I was scared I'd throw up, but Ruby insisted I have something in my stomach. He did take really good care of me, though, so I didn't complain or refuse him too much.

     "I'm scared," I said, looking at him for comfort as we walked to the door. It got more real with each step, the nervous static in my body growing and beginning to make me shaky.

     "Shhh, you're okay," he calmed me a little, putting a hand on my back and his other hand on the doorknob. "You're safe. You're gonna do great, aight?"

     He opened the door and the cool air calmed me down a little. Once we got to the car, I was flip-flopping between being okay and completely panicking. I fidgeted with the loose thread on my shirt, pulling at it and wrapping it tight around my finger. Ruby told me to cut it out, that I needed to try and be confident. Even faking it would be fine, according to him.

     "I don't know if I can do this," I said, staring out at the trees and other cars. The people in those cars, who didn't have to go to court and face the person who was making their lives Hell. They might be on their way home, or to go shopping, or to a calm job that didn't have the potential to make them want to jump out of the car in panic. If a job like that existed, I didn't know.

     "You went off on him before, this ain't all that different," he said, trying to encourage me.

     "But I have to be careful, his lawyer is probably gonna try and make me look stupid if I say the wrong thing."

     "You watch too much Law and Order, he got a public defender."

     "They can pull that shit too."

     "It's okay. You're good with words, you can do it. Jus' remember you got me an' Scott and everyone else rooting for you."

     "Okay," I said, shutting up about my anxieties. I didn't want to repeat the same worries over and over and make Ruby mad or annoyed at me. "Thank you."