How to Unkill Yourself [ruby da cherry]

Overcome Denial

     Around me were seemingly hundreds of excitedly chattering people. Even though Ruby had told me to come early, the fans beat me here anyway. My ticket was some sort of backstage thing, so I had been trying to get to the entrance for the past five minutes. A burning tightness was rapidly intensifying in my chest. I quickly squeezed my way out of the crowd and stood near a fence a few yards from where I was before. I took my phone out and called Ruby, nearly in panic mode.

     He picked up almost right away. "Hi, I know you told me to come before the crowd gets here but there's a huge crowd and I got here like five minutes ago," I rambled. I heard him chuckle on the other end.

     "You're by the back entrance, right?" he asked. I looked around, now unsure.

     "I think so? I guess, umm... I don't know there's a fence behind me with like, a parking lot or some shit... behind it. I think?" I felt like a fucking idiot. I couldn't even identify my surroundings, I was so anxious.

     "Oh, aight, you're by the buses. Stay there, I'mma send my friend out to get you," he said. I gave a quick thanks and hung up. I looked behind me and sure enough, there were two big tour buses behind the fence.

     While I focused on the colors and details of the vehicles, I didn't realize the man approaching me. "Charlie?" he called out as he walked toward me.

     I quickly turned around and saw a friendly-looking blonde man in front of me. "Yeah, hey," I awkwardly said. The man motioned for me to come with him.

     "I'm Max, nice to meet you," he said and we shook hands quickly as we walked. "The fans like to get here early to meet everyone and get shit signed. When we get to the security just flash your ticket and I'll tell him you're alright to come in early. Got it?"

     I nodded slowly. "Yeah. Sorry, I kinda thought it'd be easier," I said. Sure, I'd been to Eric's concerts and hung out backstage but I usually was in the crowd during the show, waited in line, etc.

     We approached the security guard and I showed him my ticket as Max quietly communicated to him that I was allowed inside. He spoke again once the door closed behind us, "Right, yeah, one would think. It depends on the venue honestly."

     It was dimly lit inside the venue and once Max stopped talking, I realized that at any second I would be seeing Ruby again. I wasn't sure how I felt about that because even though I was happy to see him again, I was nervous. There was a door not far from us labelled "backstage entrance" and the rock in my throat swelled even more.

     Max opened the door for me once we reached it. I thanked him, but it came out like a whisper. My eyes were glued to the floor as I took my first few steps in but my curiosity got the better of me. The space was a bit wider than I expected, but other than that it wasn't hard to find what - or, rather, who - I was looking for

     "She's heeeere," Max sang. I tried to look around at everyone instead of just focusing on Ruby, I didn't wanna seem weird or co-dependent.

     I walked a bit further towards one of the couches as people waved to me. Ruby got up from a folding chair and started towards me. He looked happy to see me, which I questioned. It wasn't a common thing, plus my nerves were all over the place. Clear thoughts were near impossible at that moment.

     "Hey baby," he said as he pulled me into a hug. I hugged back and greeted him, my voice shaky. He let me go but kept a hand on my back. "You can stay back here an' watch from the wings o' the stage or you can watch from the crowd an' kick some ass in the mosh pit."

     "I'd get trampled in the pit," I laughed. "Seriously, though, I kinda wanna see what it's like watching from back here."

     "Aight, then. How you been by the way?" he asked. I looked at him, a bit confused.