i don't need a xanny to feel better, i need you.
-
her hand is clenched in a fist, i know she doesn't want to hit me, she calms herself down that way.
i tried to stay calm, because once i lose my mind it's over.
and if i lose mine, she loses her too...
it's 9am, i slept nothing again but who needs sleep anyways? i made a strong coffee to myself and left 10 minutes earlier so i can go to target for an energy drink.
today i didn't dress up like i usually do for work, i was wearing sweatpants, a hoodie and a messy bun with minimal make up, just to cover my eyebags. -
"how are you feeling? you disappeared from social media lately." a paparazzi found me in the store when i was walking around the pantry section with mike (my bg) to buy food for nat, he was nice and he was alone so i didn't care much."
"i am fine, dealing with some shit but i'll get over it." i smiled.
"can i ask about the latest rumors?"
"yes, but i don't have much time tho." i smiled.
"it's fine! you and billie were spotted a few times lately, looking at each other with that kind of look, and you posted a story asking her if are you two friends and a spark emoji, does that mean something?"
"nope! we are just friends." i fake smiled.
just friends.
"are you for real? everyone gone wild on the internet for you two, there are millions of fan edits and fanpages!"
"yeah we saw," i smiled again, trying to avoid the big answers. "they are cute, but. um" i stopped to think. "we are good friends."
"does that mean something?"
"what do you mean?" i chuckled. "there is noting between us. by the way i really like our ship edits, i have my favorite account too." i chuckled. "i really gotta go, i'll be late and we don't want that."
"okay, thank you so much ellysa, take care and have a nice day!"
"you too!" i walked away. he was at least nice.
i drove up to work where nat was waiting for me outside.
"holy shit you look like shit ellysa. what the fuck is going on?" she asked hugging me tightly.
i looked at her and let out a big sigh. "i fot friend zoned after many times of fucking and shit, i love her ans let's not talk about this right now because i won't fucking make it into the building without crying if i have to talk about this. paparazzi already found me and asked about billie and me, you know if there is any "us"what apparently does not existing and i want to cry until i die and i want to die."
"okay slow down," she said as she was looking at my tears in my eyes. "don't cry you are strong. you will get over this day. you have to work for four hours then there is a longer break okay?"
i nodded with another shaky sigh to force my tears back. god i am being so dramatic. -
they made my eyebags disappear then after talks and shit we started shooting.
"ellysa i want you to hold the bag, your hand is being too low please focus!"
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