xanny - billie eilish gxg ff

twenty-eight

ellysa

i woke up and billie was already up. she usually wakes up before me. i didn't sleep much i was thinking about the comment that i got last night. did i relapse? i didn't, and i never will.

how could someone ask something like that?

i turned my way to billie and cuddled her because i need her comfort.

"good morning beautiful."

"good morning," i smiled at her then burried my face into her chest.

"so? did you enjoyed last night?"

"yeah you were really good." i sarcastically giggled.

"i am talking about the event, not sex." she laughed.

"i know." i smirked. "but yes, it was really good and finnies and claudia are so nice. i talked a lot with claudia, she is a sweetheart."

"yeah, they both love you, specially claudia."

"how do you know?"

"finnies texted me saying that they love you." she giggled.

"oh okay." i smiled again.

"you want coffee?"

"i make coffee and even breakfast today."

"why?" she chuckled.

"because you always make them, it's my turn." i got out of bed. "but before that i'll go wash my face."

it took me thirty minutes but i made coffee, food and did my minimal skincare. billie was now sitting on the bed watching some show on her laptop. i sat next to her and gave her her food.

"we can talk about anything right?" she started.

"yes. of course we can bil. what's up?"

"well um baby, what's up with you?"

"is this about the did you relapse question from one of the paparazzi?"

"yeah, you never told me you had something what you can relapse into, or that you are feeling that way that you are relapsing-"

"i am not feeling that way." i cut her off, stopping her to finish this sentence because i dare her to say that out loud.

"i want you to know lisa that you can tell me anything! we are together and you don't have to tell me but you can."

i just sighed and looked down.

"it was hurtful hearing that yeah?"

"since i don't want to relapse, it was. it would be anyway but damn, i am not relapsing."

"is it about your weight loss?"

it took me a moment to gather my thoughts. how should i say it to her? i used to starve myself to death?

"i had an eating disorder, i was anorexic and orthorexic." i said looking back at her. "i was always wearing baggy clothes, like 3-4 size bigger than me. i gave a fuck how it fits back at that time, because i only cared about the internet and what if they see my body and how i looked like. they soon figured out because you know. my face was not the same and i couldn't wear hoodies in the summers." i sighed when i finished. it was good to tell someone.