xanny - billie eilish gxg ff

nineteen

ellysa

i am at billie's apartment, going upstairs in the elevator.

i want to ask her today about us, because this fucking around is killing me, i catch way more feelings than planned.

i walked inside, since her door wasn't locked, she is living a brave life. i mean you are a world celebrity, lock your doors?

when she saw me she jumped up from the couch and ran up to me giggling with a big smile on her face.

"hey pretty girl." i smiled as she pecked my lips.

"hey, i missed you." she smiled into our kiss.

"i missed you too." it's going to be harder than i thought. "i am gonna go pee, i'll be back." i smiled before kissing her lips once more.

i went inside the bathroom, stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself, to get my thoughts together.

i am scared to ask her about this whole situation, but i can't do this like this.

she wants me as a girlfriend, as a fuck-friend or none?

i stepped out of the bathroom, shut the door behind me and stepped a few to her way.

"can we talk bil?" i asked.

better soon than later.

"oh no?"

"i don't know how to ask this so i'll get to the point. what are we? are there even any we?"

she sighed but didn't say a word after.

"billie, i am serious. i don't want to be someone's fuck-friend, specially not when we act like we are a couple when there is just the two of us."

"i don't know what we are lis." she said with sad emotions on her face.

we were just staring at each other for a good minute.

"what's next? because i can't continue doing this, i feel more than i should." i said looking away from her.

i feel ashamed that i catch more feelings than she did.

she stood up from the couch and walked closer to me, still keeping a distance.

"i don't know."

"do you want anything from me?"

"i don't know!" she raised her voice. "i don't know what should happen and what shouldn't."

"do you want anything from me?" i asked again, getting pissed off already.

"yes! but i can't!" she said keeping her voice raised.

"what?" i asked, "can't?"

with that the room was quiet again.

"i can't."

"why couldn't you? be honest billie." i am confused, it sounds just like a stupid excuse.