i don't need a xanny to feel better, i need you.
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her hand is clenched in a fist, i know she doesn't want to hit me, she calms herself down that way.
i tried to stay calm, because once i lose my mind it's over.
and if i lose mine, she loses her too...
today i have one of the most important day in my whole life.
i am so fucking scared.
nat will get the email today around 2pm about me getting in or being rejected by img. billie, lani and her are all coming over for the news, which i hope is good news because it will be fucking cringe if i don't get in and they are all here.
billie have a photoshoot and i have an interview, tomorrow at 6pm.
she has a lil break from work now, like a week long, since she is done recording the song. she has to work a little about the tour tho because she can't just stop, and then the music video.
she is also doing a new album, which is paused right now because her new song is more important at the moment, and also she is working on a lot of new stuff too.
(a/n: i heard it LIVE when she announced her new album i was screaming and crying and later (almost) throwing up I AM STILL CRYING)
she said that since she has only the music video left to do with the song, she is going to continue working on the new album with finnies.
they are already writing the new album's songs tho, just they are slowed down.
i am so excited about it because at the end of the day i am just a fucking fan girl when i see her.
it's 11am, i can't sleep. i am alone today because billie was with zoe and i wanted to be alone a bit anyways.
i was thinking about moving together with her no matter if i get in or not, but if i do, that means that maybe it's impossible for now because how is she gonna work? finch is here at atlanta.
but i will worry about it later.
i decided to go out for a coffee, of course with one of my bodyguard, mark.
i love my bodyguards and driver, they are like a little family to me. mark has a little girl, she is 7 years old and a one year old boy too. i love both of them they are so cute.
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"why are we praying today ellysa?" you can guess one who asked this.
a paparazzi.
"i can't tell you yeeeet," i smiled. "i am praying so it will happen, if it doesn't then no one will ever know what it was." i smiled. "maybe a few years later."
