The Symphony

Drunken Discussions

I am too full of life to be half-loved
-Ijeoma Umebinyuo
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Today is our last day here, the weekend went by way too fast for my liking. Honestly, I'm afraid to return home because I know I'll have to face it all. At this point, I may very well take my parents advice and move back to New York. I mean staying in New Orleans would only prove to worsen my anxiety.

The thought of seeing her out on the street just makes me panic. Though it probably won't even happen, given the fact that I'd never seen her on the street before. It was just by chance that I met her in the shop that day. Then again, the recent merger possibility with Kineros does give a reason to stay for a bit.

It's better to do those types of things in person but once I make up my mind on that, I have no the obligations. I've been up all night tossing and turning, just not being able to fall asleep. We were up pretty late but I know they all went to sleep at least an hour ago. I turn to check the time 3:47 am I sigh and flip on my back.

Just as I'm about to force myself to drift off, my phone starts buzzing rapidly. Thinking it's an emergency given the time, I pick it up without checking the caller ID

Hello?

Ch-Charlie?

Wilhemina?

I pull the phone away from my ear and sure enough it read with the name I put for her. I should probably change that now...

Yes umm did I wake you up?

No... I couldn't sleep

Me either... I'm uh- I'm really sorry about all those th-things I said. You d-don't deserve that and I... well I'm just sorry

I pay close attention to how she's speaking, I don't think I've ever heard her stutter. At the very least, I've never heard her trip over her words this much.

Are you drunk?

N-no... ok yes... but I still mean it

It's fine, Wilhemina.

It's not f-fine! I was terrible and so mean to you... and I'm sorry. You just... you make me so happy Charlie and I missed you and I still miss you and I don't expect you to forgive me because you shouldn't and I don't deserve it and I don't deserve you... I never did

Ok, ok... slow down... breathe please

B-but I can't Charlie! I feel like I can't breathe without you

All of this is coming as a major shock to me and I don't know what to say.

I just wish I could go back to that day and take back all those things I said o-or maybe to the day I met you because... Charlie I don't think you know how much you changed my life... meeting you that day has been the best thing that has ever happened to me

It was a pretty good day... I umm—I missed you too

Really?! I-I wasn't sure... I'm glad to hear that and I'm really sorry I'll say it until you believe me because I really really really am I promise and... I know I said that you shouldn't forgive me a-and I'm not asking you to but umm do you think maybe you could—well could I just see you one last time?

I think about it for a while, it doesn't seem like a good idea from any angle. But maybe it'll give us both the closure that we need.

Ok...

You will?! Oh my god thank you Charlie I promise I'll leave you alone and I'll be respectful and-

It's fine, Wilhemina. I'll see you soon, ok? I need to sleep

Right! O-ok... good night...

Good night

I hang up the phone and let it fall next to me on the bed. There's no way in hell I'm getting sleep now. I decide to just pack my bags since I'm just gonna be up anyways. I try my best to be quiet since I don't wanna wake them up. Once I'm done with that, I creep downstairs and to the kitchen.

I start straightening everything up, moving into the living room. I make myself a piece of toast and do a quick sweep while I wait. "What are you doing?" I hear someone whisper, I turn around to see Cate clad in her pjs. I put my hand to my chest and breath out slowly.

"Just getting a snack" I mutter, "at almost 5am? You never wake up this early" she comments. "Couldn't sleep" I shrug, "I heard you talking earlier, were you on the phone?" she asks and I take my toast out, putting some butter on it. I act as if I didn't hear her and soon the sound of her bare feet on the tile come closer.

"It was her, wasn't it?" she mumbles, "yeah" I sigh. "And..." she prompts, "I'm gonna see her. Closure, you know" I voice softly. "I hope it goes well" she mutters, "yeah... we'll see" I sigh. "I assume she apologized" Cate states, "yep. She was definitely drunk though, so I'm not sure how it'll go in person" I explain.

"Drunk words are sober thoughts, or so they say. You know... you don't have to go back to New York. You could always stay with me... Andrew and the kids miss you. Obviously I do too, more than them of course" she jokes but I know she's serious. "Thanks but-" "you wouldn't be 'intruding' we'd love to have you there" she interjects.

"Right... but I wouldn't like having my mind read every damn day" I chuckle, "fair enough" she laughs. "So when are you going?" she asks, "I might go when I get back. Just to get it over with" I reply. "You always were one to rip the bandaid straight off" she chuckles. "I mean, no point in avoiding the inevitable" I shrug.

"That's true but... remember to take time for yourself too. 'Getting it over with' is fine but, if you're not ready you should wait" she advises, "I know but will I ever be ready?" I counter. "I suppose not" she answers, "exactly" I sigh. "Well I'm here for you, whatever happens" she promises, "I know. Thank you" I reply.

She gives me a hug and then we head upstairs since it's almost time for everyone to head out. I wake up Helena and Cate wakes Sarah, who I can hear groaning from down the hall. We all grab our bags and say our goodbyes before parting ways. They're riding together since they have to go to the airport so they really just said bye to me.

Anyways, I get in the car and take a deep breath before pulling off. Hoping and praying that all goes well with Wilhemina. Even if we don't get back together, I just don't want to fight anymore. I don't have the energy nor the strength for that.