The Symphony

Unspoken Words

Summer came around
and the flowers bloomed.
She became the sun,
I became the moon
- Erykah Badu
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Wilhemina's pov
Ever since Charlie left, I truly have been feeling things I've never felt before. Granted she does that when she's here, but being away from her is one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I feel like I spent all of my time with her when she was here. Now that she's gone, I feel like there's something missing in every day.

I know I could easily just call her or text her, but it's different. In all honesty it feels like, most times, I'm bothering her. It's not that she makes me feel like that but, I'm not used to having people so close to me. Calling and sending texts were only ever emergency measures for me. Having someone that I just want to talk to is a really odd thing.

During our whole relationship, as short as it may be, I've been trying to push aside my fears. Now that she's not here to quell them, I'm left alone with all my thoughts. I wish I could just... be and not worry so much, but I can't. I'm freaking out and I know simply talking to her would probably fix it, I just can't bring myself to do it.

Everything she does confuses me and I know it shouldn't but it does. I've accepted the fact that she's just an affectionate person. I'm not saying I think she's faking it or anything but... what if she is? Any time those thoughts would cross my mind, she would kiss me and they would just fly away. If they got too much it's like she would know.

She'd touch my arm or hug me and I'd feel silly for even considering it. I know the problem is that she's so far away and that when she gets back I'll feel stupid for thinking these things. However, that doesn't take away the feelings right now. There's no threat, I'm just overthinking it and Charlie would reassure me if I just asked.

Despite me knowing all these things to be true, I can't help how I think. It's like I'm constantly fighting with myself to just accept that this is a good thing. That Charlie and I work well together and maybe it's just due to the fact that I've never had something like this. I think what scares me the most, is how much I feel like I need her in my life.

Before her, my life was dull and grey and now it's just filled to the brim with color. There's just something about her that lights me up inside. I don't think I've ever felt more attracted to a person than I feel with her. All that to say, I think I love her. I'm not sure if she loves me back and I guess any normal person would just ask.

But I'm not normal, I don't think either of us truly are. Then, on top of my thoughts already getting away from me, there was that hotel thing. Whoever came to the door talked with her forever. She didn't seem very happy to see them either. I could hear how her voice changed, though I couldn't hear what she was saying clearly.

After she got back, she just seemed really tense and wouldn't tell me why. So I do what I always do, I closed up. I mean what else am I supposed to do in that situation? It's obvious she didn't want to tell me who was actually at the door and I didn't want to seem crazy. Maybe she was actually telling the truth but I have a feeling she wasn't.

Which leads me to questions like: who was it? What is she hiding? I know I shouldn't have hung up on her like that but I couldn't take it anymore. Especially after she asked me if I was ok when I was very obviously trying not to panic. It's not her fault, she doesn't have to tell me everything. But why wouldn't she?

So I've tried to just leave her alone because she seems stressed. That's what I've been doing the whole time, honestly. Just waiting for her to call me, in case she's in a meeting or something you know? I don't want to be the annoying girlfriend who's always checking in. I just care about her a lot and I want to make sure she's safe but, I suppose she can take care of herself.

She doesn't seem to mind always being the first to call or text, at least not to my knowledge. Then again, maybe it does bother her. Maybe she thinks I don't want to talk to her. That would explain why she's reaching out less. On the other hand, maybe she's with someone else. I mean New York is a big place filled with lots of attractive people.

She could have anyone she wants and I would never know. I know I shouldn't doubt her but I struggle to believe that anyone in her position wouldn't do the same. But Charlie isn't like other people, that's what I love most about her. She's kind and sweet, and just perfect to me.

I guess the flip side of perfection is the feeling that it's too good to be true. The only way I can think of going about this is to avoid it entirely. If I can just hold out until she gets back; everything will be fine. So, to prevent myself from saying anything bad, I'll just not talk to her. I know I'll have to apologize for it later but that's better than the alternative, isn't it?