Stay with me, always.

Chapter 15. Quiet

It's quiet at dinner. Besides the occasional scrape of cutlery, no one says a word. Not that my Father normally speaks at dinner, Mother and Soarynn used to do all the talking. "Did you see her shoes? I heard he's having an affair. We need to remodel the entire second floor again." I miss her. Mother misses her too, although she seems to be doing her best to keep it together. And besides, my Father won't be doing any talking once I cut out his tongue and make him an Avox. It might take some time, but I can wait. 

"Well," Mother says finally breaking the silence as she dabs her mouth with a napkin, this is it, I think, she's gonna tell us the plan to get Soarynn out of the Games. "I think it's best if we start considering our options dear," she says looking at me pitifully, my Father grunts in approval. "Our options to keep Soarynn from entering the Games?" I ask. That must be what she's talking about. "Oh, darling, that's out of our hands now. Right now, we need to focus on finding you a new future wife," she says reaching for the wine. What the fuck? "Excuse me?" I ask, my tone causing my Mother's head to snap up, "You mean you're just gonna let her die?!" I exclaim, I mean surely they understand the severity of the situation.

 "Of course, we're going to try to help her darling," my Mother says, her eyes beginning to well up, "but you saw those other Tributes, they'll eat her alive." She's not wrong. Soarynn is pretty skinny herself, not underweight, but lean. And while she's well-fed, I highly doubt she'll last long in the arena hungry without food. It'll be up to us to get her whatever she needs. "You don't think there's any chance she could win?" I ask, looking at my Mother pleadingly, she looks up at the ceiling, willing herself not to cry. "The odds are slim," my Father says, finally speaking up. "Not with us helping her," I shoot back. "People in the Capitol would suspect an unfair playing field," he says as if that's his best line of defense. "The people love her!" I cry.

 It's true when we left the Viewing Plaza, people made Soarynn's Prep Team look like a joke when it came to crying. I'm pretty sure one woman had to be taken to the hospital. "They do love her," Mother says, looking at Father. "And we love her," I say, adding onto the bandwagon. My Father looks at me, doubt written all over his face. "Do you?" He asks. "Do I what?" I ask a slight shake in my voice. "Do you love her?" I think I do, I mean we needed more time, we just started before the world we knew was burned to the ground, catching fire, all because of my Father. It all leads back to him. I say nothing. It's silent again.

Clearing his throat he motions for the table to be cleared as he stands up. "Let me give you a piece of advice Coriolanus," he says, grabbing my shoulder which I immediately rip away from him. He seems unfazed, it's not like we touch each other a lot, to begin with. "Love will get you killed, and it's going to get her killed too," he says. My Father truly is a monster. He looks at my Mother, it's then that I realize he truly has no love in his eyes for her, for anyone. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not going to let it destroy us like it did to you," I snap. I don't care if I'm being rude or defiant, I don't care anymore. He turns to walk out of the room, not bothering to look at me as he says, "It's the things we love most that destroy us."

I slept in her room that night. Wondering where she's sleeping, how she's feeling, and being treated. Is she scared? Have they fed her? Does she miss me? I feel like such a loser. I may win fights against my classmates, but I'll always lose against my Father. Which is why he has to die, I remind myself. But in all due time, of course, I can wait. I decided to unpack all the boxes that were still littered on the floor. Not that I could count on her Prep Team to do it, Imogen had to be sedated, and Olympia actually showed real emotion by tearing up after the Reaping. It was a hard day for all of us.

 Last I saw of Eudora, she was sitting back in the booth, drinking herself to death with what was left of the beverage cart. We all cope differently. At least the Prep Team gets to see her again. They weren't allowed to see her once she got to the Tribute Center since there was virtually nothing to fix. The other Tributes needed all the help they could get. But they did get to see her before all the Tributes were paraded down The Avenue of Tributes, and before her interview with Lucky Flickerman. 

Then technically, I also get to see her one last time. We always go to watch the interviews, sitting front row, and I'll be damned if we decide to break tradition this go around. Feeling quite pleased with myself after unpacking all the boxes and finding a loophole, I was ready to go to bed. Today already felt like a nightmare, so my dreams couldn't get any worse. 

I heard a meow.

 But my life certainly can, I thought as I slowly turned around. Petunia. That ugly, wretched little thing was still in here, waiting for her to come back. "She's not coming back," I said to the little beast. She meowed again. "I said, she's not coming back!" I said, raising my voice. She meowed again. "SHE'S GONE, SHE'S FUCKING GONE AND SHE'S PROBABLY NEVER GONNA COME BACK SO JUST GO," I screamed, falling to the floor. I let the tears fall. There weren't many, but there were enough for me to be embarrassed by.

 Maybe it was a sign from Soarynn or God, or whoever was watching over me, but Petunia slowly crawled into my lap. I hugged the cat. Rocking on the floor, holding her so tight as I thought about Soarynn. Get a grip. I sniffled, finally standing up and walking towards the bed. "I suppose you could sleep here with me just this once," I said to Petunia, placing her on the bed. She immediately jumped off and ran into the bathroom. So much for friendship. Exhausted, I finally turned off the bedside lamp and curled up, pressing her sheets against my face and inhaling sharply through my nose as I drifted off. Smells like vanilla.