Smash Into You

"Hey, it's Josh."

It has been a full week since James was admitted into the hospital. The day they called me was the day I found out he was being sent off to a mental institution. No matter how much I tried convincing the facility he was sent to, to let me call him they wouldn't budge. Only family was allowed to contact him. It pissed me off a lot.

I missed him like crazy and the only people keeping me sane were Taylor, Lana, and mom. The facility informed me that depending on how James acts and how his treatment goes determines how quickly he goes home. I prayed he would get treatment and act right and hurry the hell home.

Guilt filled my thoughts every hour of everyday. There was nothing I could do to keep them out of my head. They were just, there. It was a hard subject to think about, especially since my best friend was dealing with it. James was always smart about the things he did.

Sometimes I wondered why on earth he did what he did. But then I remember his emotional pain from being cheated on so many times. If anything, it pissed me off knowing that the sweetest person I've ever known has been hurt more than he ever needed to be.

Sighing, I rolled onto my side. For now, my bed was my favorite place to be. With the window open and the breeze, it helped calm the massive headache in my head.

For a couple of moments more I thought about James and prayed that he would be okay and out of the facility as quickly as possible. Soon, though, exhaustion drifted over me and I was asleep.

--

(A nightmare)

"God dammit! Hayley, don't run from me!" Josh yelled out at me but I didn't stop to turn around. My little legs ran as fast as they could.

"Leave! I don't want you near me!" I screamed, still running.

His footsteps grew louder from behind and soon enough he was ahold of me. His hand grabbed for my shoulder and he yanked me around. Both of his hands were holding my shoulders.

"Listen to me. I just want to be with you. Please, take me back." He begged. For a moment I actually believed him but then slowly his face started to change.

His eyes grew pitch black and his face looked like the devil. He was smiling evilly. "I said," He stepped closer to me. His breath stunk badly. "Take. Me. Back."

Tears streamed down my face and I shook my head. "No, never." I said hoarsely.

He shook his head, laughing. "Wrong answer sweetheart." And that's when his hand went for my face.

--

"No!" I jerked up from my bed and grabbed my chest with my hand. I was breathing hard. Gulping, I convinced myself none of it was real.

Slowly, I laid myself back down and closed my eyes. It was no use. I had no one to talk to. I was alone with my own thoughts and it was causing nightmares. And to make matters worse, I couldn't call James.

Uncontrollably, I started crying. The tears kept streaming down my face as I thought about him. He was one of the people I loved the most. With all my heart. But now, he was gone. And only God knows how long he'd be away. It was torture. Pure torture.

--

(Sunday evening)

Even though yesterday was a tough day for me, today I was feeling a whole lot better. I was finally calming down and convincing myself James was okay. I actually believed it, too.

Sitting on the front porch, I leaned further back into the lawn chair and smiled. James would get better. The wind felt good on my face and I was able to enjoy it for a good amount of time.