Suffering, Silenced ~[A Tokio Hotel Story]~

Tomorrow Is Another Day |13

A knocking sound starts to occur. I must have fallen asleep shortly after that... I sit up from my bed and have my head down before taking a glance to the mirror opposite the bed. My eyes were red and my lips were dry; but I didn't care anyway. I get myself down from the bed and walk towards the door. I look through the peephole to see who was there. All I see are some unfamiliar yet familiar shoes; it certainly wasn't Daria, for sure. I open the door and look up to see someone I wasn't expecting.

"Gustav?..." I mumble, gathering myself to make it seem like nothings happened.

"Hey... Kristina?... Right?" He says in a thick german accent, sounding like he was also slightly shy.

"Oh yeah!... What would you like Gustav?" I ask, still a little bit bewildered.

"I want to talk to you please, if you're ok with that?..." He replies quietly.

"Yes it's no problem..." I hesitated slightly.

"Alright..." Gustav says, walking into my room.

He looks around and sits onto the bed, not talking for a while. He looked at the ground quietly before looking back at me. I came over to him and sat beside him, not uttering a word. The silence was a bit awkward; it was until Gustav broke the silence.

"Is there... anything troubling you Kristina?... I would like to know. Your friend Daria is really worried for you..." He whispered, stuttering slightly in between his words, "I know we don't know each over well, but I would really like to help you somehow, you can talk to me..."

I stay silent, Kristina has spilt everything to these people I don't even know about my personal life. A side of me was angry, but the other was sort of grateful. I understand that talking about mental health is hard to process, I know she was trying to help but she just couldn't. My eyes well up and become glossier. I just wish someone understood me, how I felt, how I feel currently. I feel myself coming closer to bursting, a single tear ran down my face, then another and then another. Before I knew it I broke.

"Nobody understands how I feel... It hurts me really badly. I can't talk to anybody, not even my best-friend. She is the only person I genuinely trust and love with all my life. But she just doesn't understand, I can't talk to her, she can't comprehend it. And I feel extremely guilty afterwards, It's like your a burden to everyone. Nobody has ever treated me with love except my mother and Daria. Now I only have Daria. But I feel myself distancing myself away from her, from everything. I can't help feeling this way, I wish I could just end it all, you know?..."

Gustav stares at the ground before turning back to me, "Kristina... I understand how you feel. It must truly hurt, especially having no one to talk to about your situation. I just want to let you know, even though we are complete strangers to each-over, from now on I will be here for you. The whole band will be here for you. Daria has told us about you know... your home situation... I know it's not the best time to mention it but, we will always welcome you in with open arms, if you need a place to stay for a while; if things go so far between you and your father. Remember that your mother is certainly looking down at you from above, even if you leave your house with her inside it, she will always be in your heart and by your side at the times you need. I'm sure your mother is so proud of you for coping and pushing. I'm proud of you for staying alive. Daria would say the same. You seem like an amazing person, it hurts knowing that this amazing person was hurt so badly. No one should ever deserve this amount of trauma or abuse. You mustn't feel guilty for expressing your feelings; expressing them is the best thing for us to understand you and for you in general. You are not a burden to anybody, you are a friend. Ending it all will majorly impact those around you, there is other ways to stop these awful feelings, I assure you. You are enough, I promise." Gustav murmurs before hugging me tight.

I hug him back, sobbing into his chest. This is exactly what I needed. I absorbed Gustav's words and it felt comforting. It's like someone actually understands me for once and instead of talking short words, he really assured me living was enough. I didn't know what to say, I just hugged and held on tight breathing in and out slowly. I look up to see Gustav smiling slightly down at me. I slowly sit back up.

"Thank you Gustav. I really appreciate your help... I never got a response like yours..." I say quietly and honestly, "I'm so grateful... Thank you so much..."

"Any time... I will from now on, always be here for you when you need it" Gustav smiles, "Or when you maybe want to hang out, friends?..."

I laugh quietly and look at him, "Thank you Gustav, I really appreciate this. Of course we can be friends. Your a great guy..."

We talk for a while before Gustav starts to leave as it was late. I waved him goodbye as he walked out of my room, as he left Daria walked in shortly after. She walks up to me, as I was already laying in bed.

"Was that... Gustav?" She asks me, a little confused herself, "What was he in here for so long for?"

"Oh nothing, we just had a talk... You know. You told them..." I mumble.

"I'm sorry Kristy... It's just..."

"It's fine, I needed it. It helped, thanks Daria." I turn to her, smiling, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Daria replies also getting into the bed to go to sleep.

My eyes fluttered before finally falling asleep. Tomorrow is another day.