Suffering, Silenced ~[A Tokio Hotel Story]~

Awkwardness |16

CW: Slight smut

***

We walked out of the hidden street onto a main road. Daria was beside me but didn't talk, she was just embarrassed. Me on the other hand, I was heartbroken... I was glad that she wasn't talking to me at this moment because I would've said nothing back anyway. I look to the other side of me where Tom and Georg definitely seemed to be in a way better mood than any of us. They were joking around and laughing hysterically, completely oblivious of the silence besides them. It was only then, I noticed I was staring and I quickly turn back; But Tom noticed.

"Don't act like I didn't see that!" He teases, still laughing with Georg. Georg laughs even harder than before when he said that.

"I can't do this it's killing me!" He wheezes, choking on his own laughter. I wonder to myself how these guys have this sort of energy 24/7. Before I know it, I realise I was staring. Again! "Kristina why are you staring, who are you... Wait! Tom?~" Georg snickers, nudging Tom.

Tom faced towards me and stared back. He smiled and turned back to Georg and continued joking around. I felt myself go red, as I drooped my head to the ground, feeling completely flustered. We walk for a while before I lift my head back up to look in-front of me. I turned to Daria, to see her smiling... At Bill. My heart dropped my stomach as I kept getting reminded that she doesn't love me. It was clear that those two had something going on, and I can't do anything to have Daria to myself again. Ok... Maybe I sound a little selfish. She wasn't anyones in the first place. I look slightly down to see that they were even holding hands. I felt a lump in my throat and felt a burning jealousy rip through my body, I felt angry... But it also felt wrong. I can't force Daria who she wants to love. But the jealousy filled me as I watched the two of them stare into each-overs eyes, blinded with love. I decide to stay quiet and continue looking down at the floor for the rest of the walk to the hotel.

Darias POV:
I stared into his beautiful light brown eyes, carefully glistening as we walked by the dimmed street lights. God I would've never imagined actually meeting Bill Kaulitz and making out with him. I wonder to myself, is this what love feels like? Whenever I spoke to him the butterflies in my stomach suffocate me, he's perfect. His piercing complimented the rest of his facial features, it was like the cherry on-top. I was just falling for him even more, to the point where I'm  head over heels. His black hair and his makeup made him look like a true idol, like the one he is. The soft streaks of his hair, layered on each-over satisfyingly. Just looking at Bill satisfied me, he was perfect. His hand was warm as he clutched harder on my hand, rubbing his thumb into my palm, I felt myself going red. I smile at him and he smiles back.

"Hey! Can you guys stop acting all love love...?! It's weird!" Georg yells jokingly.

"Oh shut up Georg... I have absolutely no romantic relationship with Daria" Bill says, winking at me quickly before returning to conversate with Georg.

"Mhm... Totally, so holding hands, staring at eachover, smiling at eachover and making out behind a bush is friend behaviour? God that's strange.." He teases.

Me and bill roll our eyes in sync and laugh.

"Even you guys act the same, just say you guys love each-over already!!" Georg yells encouragingly, Tom laughing by his side.

I stare at Bill when all of a sudden, I get caught off guard. He pulls me close to him and gives me a kiss, and I kiss back without hesitation. Before I know it, we were making out on the spot. I knew I was going to be embarrassed later, but right now I didn't care... It felt amazing. He placed his hands onto my hips and was kissing me. I tried to pull away to catch my breathe but he just pulled me back. Our tongues linked together and I can taste his saliva as he continues. It felt unreal...

"Ew!! Bill, right now?! Seriously?" Tom squealed, a little childishly, "It's getting cold, let's keep moving, you guys can... Uh... Make-out, later!" Tom says, with slight second hand embarrassment in his voice.

Bill finishes off, kissing me one last time on the lips before backing away and smiling, and I smile back. I can't believe it... I actually have a relationship with Bill Kaulitz... I felt fuzzy as I continued walking, I wanted more...

I turned to Kristina to see her head drooped down to the floor. She looked sad, but from what? I was confused so I got closer to her.

"Hey? Kristina are you alright?..." I say hesitantly. No reply. "Kristina?"

I was beyond confused, I look away, and continue walking. Maybe she was tired? I decided to shrug it off.

Kristinas POV:

I feel myself getting dragged into a pit of my feelings; this time it was just an overwhelming jealousy and anger combined. I wonder what else my life is going to throw at me. I feel my eyes going watery, I try steady my fast beating heart but it's no use. I was about to break down. I wished that I could scream into a pillow at that moment, but I couldn't. The anger bubbled up as the envy of Bill and Daria's relationship consumed me. I felt like nothing. I felt lost and confused. I liked Tom but I also like Daria, although I have a chance with Tom I somehow still feel more in love with Daria. She was the one that I preference and I have always loved her. Her beauty and her personality was so special to me. I can't even bring myself to express my love, I have no chance. Bill was much better than her, it hurt but it was true. I wanted to accept the fact that she doesn't love me in that way, but I just physically can't.

The walk was long, awkward and silent, except only for me. Georg and Tom talked as Bill and Daria kept exchanging stares and smiles. I just stood there in the middle with my head to the ground, slightly slouched, I just wanted it to be over with. Eventually we approached the entrance to the hotel and we entered. We all went into the elevator and the silence was slowly begin to suffocate me, but at this point everyone was tired. We walked through the long hallway, eventually saying bye to the guys. Me and Daria walked in our room and closed the door. I walked straight over to the bed and threw myself onto it.

"Kristina are you okay? You were ignoring me earlier.." Daria asks, concerned.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired." I reply stiffly.

"Alright then... Well it's pretty late anyway, so I might as-well go to sleep too." She mumbles before getting changed into her night clothes and tucking herself in.

I sigh and turn myself away from her. Looking at Daria reminded me of what happened, and it shattered my heart. Every-time I re imagine Daria kissing Bill with such passion tore me apart. The awkwardness walking back to the killed me. Mentally... You can't have everything in life... Right?