Suffering, Silenced ~[A Tokio Hotel Story]~

A Familiar place |28

I slowly walk up the flight of stairs beyond me. Worried. Scared. Angry. I don't know what to feel, I know I don't want to feel this way anymore with Daria... But I just can't help but miss the strong bond we had before. It's like my love has really gotten in the way and fucked everything up. But I also can't help but remember Gustavs words, still lingering in my mind. It felt like I was caught in the middle of bombing, not knowing where to go or what to do. I wanted to get this drama over with but also stop this love... So I think it's best to apologise.

My feet drag across the red carpeted floor as I walk over to our hotel room, my body slumped slightly. I finally reach the door and took a deep breath before bracing myself.

I knock once. No reply. I knock twice, still nothing...

I realise that the door was unlocked. I twisted the door knob gently and take a look inside. Daria lay on the bed sleeping. I walked over quietly tiptoeing and nudged her slightly...

"Daria..." But I got no reply, my blood runs cold, "...DARIA!?" I panic.

I let out a long scream, cold sweat running from my head and my hands become tacky. I go light headed and I start hearing my ears ring. Please. No.

"DARIA... WAKE UP!" I yell as my tears start to form in my eyes, uncontrollably stuttering. Someone burst into the room, it was Bill and Tom.

"Oh my god?! What's going on?!" Bill questions in a panicked tone, "Daria?!"

"I don't know!!" I sob, "...Call an ambulance... Right now!!" I look over to Tom who was already dialling and had his phone up to his ear.

I cry uncontrollably, hoping that this wasn't the end... I hope that this isn't what I'm dreading... Please just be in a deep sleep...

"Ambulance is on their way." Tom replies calmingly, but looking stressed himself.

"What even happened?!" Sobbed Bill, "...Kristina?!"

I mumble quietly, "...I don't know I came here and she was on the bed, I seriously don't know what happened!"

I paced back and forwards in the room as Bill held Daria in his arms and Tom was looking out of the long window, waiting for the ambulance.

"There it is! Someone carry her down!" Tom yells, running out of the room.

Bill swooped Daria into his arms and ran behind Tom, me following on behind. It felt like we were running forever. It felt like the longest 5 minutes in my life. It's like time got slowed down so the universe can watch me cry and worry. The corridor stretched out into a long segment. I fall further and further behind as I run out of breath. I don't want to be alone, what would I do without her? It's like something was pulling me into a state of thoughts once again. That familiar feeling, I hated it. It's the feeling of being alone. Ever since mother died, I felt so alone. Daria was always there for me. But I was selfish, I left her because I loved her. I think to myself, why would I leave someone because I loved them... Why Kristina?!... Why? I don't know. Maybe it's because you are worried of getting hurt again and experiencing the pain of being alone again.

Who are you?

I'm you.

I look in front of me, in front there is a long-length mirror. I am standing here in a plain black abyss.

You aren't me... I'm me!

I am you. You are in denial.

What... What do you mean?...

You can't keep running away just because you don't want to be hurt again. Selfish.

I stare into the mirror, I have no words. I couldn't say anything. It was right.