Suffering, Silenced ~[A Tokio Hotel Story]~

The Hospital Room |30

Me and Tom burst through the entrance of the hospital, my eyes were burning and I looked like a mess.

"Hello?!" Tom blurts out panicked, talking to a lady at the counter, "Do you have any clue where Daria Kitoshka is?"

The lady looks up at him and then over to me, "...Let me check..." She types away at her computer for a short moment before looking back at us. She fixes her glasses on her head, "Room 482."

"Thanks." Tom and I say in sync before rushing other to a flight of stairs.

My lungs gasp for breath as we run up the endless stairs. But I couldn't stop, I need to know if Daria is ok, if not, I will never be able to live with myself. The pain would become sharper and hurt me.

Selfish. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

I wince. Kristina, pull yourself together. It's Daria that's hurt. Not you. You really are selfish, not wanting to get hurt but for others, you really don't care.

Feeling like we were running forever, Tom finally slowed down as we approached a room down the corridor.

"482... 482... There it is, come on." Tom says before turning around to me, "It will be alright. Don't worry Kristina." He reassures me with a faint smile, but mumbling "...I hope." underneath his breath.

We burst through the door to see Daria awake in a hospital bed and Bill besides her. Bill looked like he was crying, his makeup leaving an imprint of his tears. His black eyeliner was smudged and basically gone. He noticed us and came over.

"...Hey guys." He sniffs, rubbing off a bit of his stained makeup off, "...What took you guys so long? We were wondering where you were."

"Oh... Kristina... She-" Tom tried to say before getting cut off by me.

"Tom forgot his phone." I mumble abruptly. I see Tom looking at me in confusion before looking back at Bill.

"So a phone is more important than your friend's life?" Bill scoffs, clearly annoyed, "That's sort of selfish don't you think?"

Tom looked a bit nervous, looking at me but then mumbling, "Sorry Daria. And Bill."

I felt guilty at that point. I genuinely didn't want to seem selfish because I broke down... Tom waited for me... The fact he's standing up for him even though I blamed it on him, made me so guilty. I realise, I am becoming selfish. I don't want to hurt myself.

I didn't know what to say. I gave a light smile to Tom and walked to where Daria was on the bed, sitting on the side. I look towards her, she was already looking at me. I felt my heart skip a beat... I felt my heart drop to my stomach. I was still in love with her blue eyes. With her in general.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything Daria."

She smiles, "...I'm sorry too."

It was awkward, but I had to slip out a small smile.

"...Why have you changed so much? It's not like how we used to be..." Daria mumbles softly.

At that moment, it felt like my throat was tied in a knot. I couldn't breathe. I really didn't want to admit that I loved her and that I was doing it for myself. It would be selfish. She would probably look at me in disgust. I would be seen as a disappointment to her, after all, we're just friends; she has a boyfriend already. I just wasn't ready to tell her how I feel. I was scared, but I want things to go back to normal...

"Sorry Daria..." I whispered, thinking of what to say, "...I guess the stress of coming home is getting to me" I lied.

She smiles at me, "I understand. It's fine, really. But please... Let's be there for each-over again; like we promised."

I smile back. We all hear a sound by the door; it was a doctor.

"Is it bad? Is she okay?" Bill asks, still panicked, looking at Daria.

"She's completely fine, I assume it was just a panic attack which caused her to pass out." The doctor replied, looking up from his clipboard and looking to us, "...Although Daria, you are quite sensitive to stress, try your best to avoid panicking or stressing if you can. So this situation doesn't repeat itself. But she is free to leave whenever she's ready"

I look towards Daria, feeling guilty. Daria was never the type of person to stress... Knowing that I caused the panic attack makes my heart drop to my stomach.

You only did it not to hurt yourself. Instead, you hurt those around you. Selfish.

I stare at the plain hospital floor, still procrastinating about confessing my love to Daria. I can't help but just feel guilty about everything... I really am selfish.

Daria looks down at her duvet, "...Kristina. Do you think we can be like how we used to be?"

I take a deep breath, "...Yes. I'm sorry."

We both smile at each-over, I help Daria out of the bed. The butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I held her warm hand. Her smooth hand rubbed against my coarse dry skin.

"Let's go back to the hotel, we should really spend the rest of our time having a good time in Germany... After all we only have a couple weeks before having to go home." Daria tells me as we start to leave the hospital room, with Tom and Bill following behind us.

Just thinking about home made me sick, I regret wasting time on ignoring Daria... Now I have less time to spend with her. I didn't want to stop seeing Tokio Hotel either, they were really enjoyable to hang out with. This journey was really a rollercoaster of emotions; I felt so sad, but also so happy. I had so much fun and was actually happy. It coming to an end hurt a bit. But I should be happy that it even happened at all. And It's all thanks to my best-friend, Daria.