Suffering, Silenced ~[A Tokio Hotel Story]~

An Okay Mood |14

I woke up, my head sore from yesterday; but I felt better. I think today should be manageable. I look beside me to the bedside table with a clock. I woke up 30 minutes earlier than our alarm so I decided to put this extra time to use. I get out of bed quietly, making sure not to wake Daria who was fast asleep. I put on some slippers and went to the mini kitchen and got out a box of tea bags. I select one bag and grab a cup from the counter. I put the bag in and turn on a kettle. I look outside the kitchen window to admire the lovely view of Germany, I looked to the sky, casting an ombre sunset towards my vision. I stare into this void of beauty, immediately thinking of my mother. I imagine she's looking down at me from above. Sun rises and sun sets often cause me to get a bit emotional but this time it was different. I finally accepted the fact that my mother is probably free now, free from all her mental health issues. My mother suffered with bad schizophrenia, depression and bipolar syndrome. Everyday was rough for her, It wasn't easy to be around her but I loved her with all my heart. She couldn't control her random outbursts of behaviour or her hallucinations. At mornings, her eyes were heavy with dark eye-bags and she was always extremely pale... I hated seeing her like this. She took pills that "cure" her hallucinations and depression but she eventually got addicted, which led to her overdose. Till this day, I don't know wether it was an accidental overdose or if it was on purpose. I did whatever it would take to be the best daughter for her, but I wasn't enough. It still hurts me that she had to die this way.

The kettle pinged and I quickly turned back to the counter. I pour myself a cup of tea and drink it, slightly burning my tongue causing me to jump a little. I roll my eyes to myself and decide to go get changed instead to wait for this tea to cool down. I go back to the bed, where my suitcase lay underneath it. I slide my suitcase out beneath the bed and open it. I immediately put on my arm warmers and take out some flare jeans along with a black crop-top. I admire myself in the mirror before hearing a sound coming from the bed. Daria was awake.

"Good morning Daria." I say, "How did you sleep?"

"Hey Kristy, goodmorning" She yawns, "Good... What about you?"

"Mhm" I reply.

"Did you wake up early?" Daria giggles, getting herself out of bed, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

I wheeze, "You looked like you were in a deep sleep, in your own world."

We both laughed before continuing our routines for the morning. I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous Daria looked. Her hazel brown hair bounced around as she made any movement and her skin glowed. I can feel myself going red, the more I looked at her, the more I couldn't handle my love for her. I just was dying to tell her about my feelings but I just physically couldn't. My feelings wouldn't ever change her preference. She likes Bill, she likes guys. Oh god how I hate being like this, I wish I was... Normal. But I guess I can't change the fact that I like both genders. I just do.

Daria and me start getting ready to get breakfast. I was already practically ready, I was just drinking my tea that had finally cooled down. Daria wore a miniskirt and a white crop-top. I couldn't hell myself but stare.

"Kristina? Are you alright?" She asks me, genuinely concerned.

My face turns flushed, "Uh... Yeah... I... I uh..." I babble, ashamed of what I was doing, "The tea just... Went down the wrong way... So... Uh... I was just waiting for it to go down.... I wasn't staring at your-.. I mean... I wasn't staring at you.." I stutter; feeling extremely flustered.

"Oh... Ok?..." Daria replies sceptically, with a bit of confusion in her voice.

I let out a long sigh. Kristina, control yourself! That's your best friend, stop acting like a creep. God even I think I'm beyond weird. Ugh...

I finish the tea and place the cup in the dishwasher, I then go to the door where Daria was already waiting.

"You finished sipping on you tea?" She teases me, "Come on lets go eat breakfast I'm absolutely starving."

Daria opens the door and starts walking down the corridor and I follow on. We eventually get to the cafeteria and we walk over to the kitchen, where the bands VIP area was. Inside Tom, Bill, Gustav and Georg were already eating. They all wave and we come over to sit down on the vacant spots. Gustav smiles at me as I sit down next to him and Tom. We were immediately served with bacon, eggs and toast. I haven't eaten this good quality food in a while so I dug in quickly; still trying to present manners.

"Hey guys, and Kristina, your back!" Bill says whilst eating a piece of toast, "You feeling better?..."

I shrug my shoulders and continue eating, I really try to avoid questions like that because I end up bursting.

"Oh my god... This bacon is so fucking good!" Tom screams, stuffing pieces of bacon into his mouth, scoffing it all down. Wow Bill and Tom were complete opposites it seems, even though they are identical twins, they share separate personalities.

I giggle to myself, I guess this is the next 3 months.

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