Suffering, Silenced ~[A Tokio Hotel Story]~

The Last Place |37

Yellow lights blurred your sight. Your eyes burn, your head aches. Where am I?... Subtle beeps are heard in the distance but you can't really make out to what it is. You look down to see a white duvet over you, bandages on your arms.

I hear someones footsteps approach.

"Shes awake?!" Mumbles someone. I can hear faint responses come after.

"Where am I?.." You ask whilst putting your hand on your head. Your mind attempts to nod off back into a sleep but you won't let it. You're scared.

"Your in the hospital dear." A woman replies, holding a clipboard most likely full of several documents. "You have been in a coma for a year... We weren't expecting you to wake up so soon!..."

I sat up and stared at the woman in disbelief. Was this really all just made up in my head? There's no way...

"Well... Since you're awake... There's someone who wants to see you..." The woman continues to say softly before signalling to someone to come in.

The person came into the plain hospital room. I could hear their cheap shoes tap across the floor the closer they approach me. I heard a subtle sound of sobbing. I turn my head to see someone I did not ever expect to see.

"Kristina." The only words my dad was able to mumble throughout his uncontrollable crying. He held me close to him. I didn't say anything. All I could reply with were tears rolling down my blank face. Was I still dreaming?

In the distance I heard some footsteps again, yet these sounded more elegant. The sight just added levels to my confusement.

"Daria?!" I stuttered in disbelief. I was so bewildered in the very moment I didn't know what to do.

I stared blankly at both Daria and my dad, my eyes watered. I think about the memories in my head but they were already fading. Did I really just imagine all this? Was it all fake? I snapped back to reality at last. I took a couple breaths in and out hastily, making each breath sound shaky as I turned my attention to my dad.

"Dad? Is that really you?" I mumbled quietly, rubbing my hands against my eyes, wiping away the dried up tear stains on my cheeks.

My dad walked up to my bed and knelt down onto the hospital floor, clutching onto my hand and squeezing it tightly. He looks up to me with tears in his eyes. And that's when something unexpected happened. My dad came closer and wrapped his arms around my scarred body. He embraced into a hug. I was speechless, my arms were still on my sides... My dad sobbed hard into my shoulder, just like the way he cried on that night. I looked down to see he had a subtle smile on his face; this was different...

"Kristina, I'm so sorry" He whispered clutching onto me, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when your mother passed... I should've been there for you... It was selfish of me to just push you away. I'm so sorry." His sobbing became uncontrollable and I started crying too. I couldn't hide the truth any longer.

"Dad." I said softly, "...I really need to confess something."

He looked up in confusement, water still running down his aged face, but nodded.

I took a deep breath in and out. Today would be the day the truth would be out. I can't live with this burden anymore. "...Mom didn't overdose. I..."

Daria walked over slowly and knelt down next to us, she gave me a look of reassurance.

"I killed her. I set it up as a suicide." I said vaguely.

My dads facial expression froze abruptly, "What?..." He mumbled in disbelief "...What... You?..."

"She didn't overdose. She was angry at me so I got angry too... I used my force against her... Over a argument... I'm sorry..." I burst out crying, "I was in a panicked state... realising what I did. I grabbed moms pills and swallowed them all hoping to die next to her... B-but I didn't." I managed to say through uncontrollable tears. "I know what I did was completely unforgivable bu-"

My dad hugged me tighter than ever crying with me, the next hour was silent, purely sounds of sobs and breathing were heard. Daria had been here the entire time comforting the both of us. I look up to Daria and pull her into our hug. My dad looked devastated. I felt horrible yet so free... It's like the burden of keeping the awful lie to myself has finally lost its grip off me. This will not and never will justify my actions. But I hope this has caused some relief to me and my dad.

"It was inevitable and bound to happen. But why didn't you tell me Kristina... You hid this secret for all these years... For what?" My dad asked as he finally got up and stood on the ground.

"I didn't want to accept the fact I killed her. So I never told anyone... I'm sorry."

The nurse walked into the room we were in, "You can be discharged today, everything looks fine."

"Thank you" We all say.

"Do you want to go home Kristina?..." My dad turned to face me again.

I sighed a sigh of relief, "Yes I do..." I finally let out a smile.

I did it.