Good Cop Gone Bad ~ Rewritten

6| masquerade

•Matteo Rossi•

"Okay fuck you." I said to Aless as he told me every negative personality trait of mine. He's been doing this for a good half hour and honestly, I haven't even been listening. I zoned out like right away. But the last one caught my attention.

"Okay well I'm not sorry if what I'm saying hurts your feelings. Because it's the truth and if anything you should change it about yourself." I roll my eyes and put my arm down as the tailor signals he is done with it. We're currently getting fitted for new suits for a masquerade we have coming up.

I scoff. "Like anything that comes out of your dumbass mouth could ever hurt my feelings." I say to myself but he manages to hear. He flips me off, which obviously causes his arm to move. The tailor scolds him, which makes me laugh but Aless death stares him and he quickly gets back to work.

"And then you're also so fucking depressed all the time. You're against using violence as a first option because it's not the way to do business but you're always ready for battle. You never fucking smile. You always say shit that genuinely fucking concerns me. Like 'if I got shot I wouldn't want you to worry too much' Bitch how do you expect me not to worry?" I death stared him so he would shut the fuck up because now I'm actually starting to get annoyed.

I dismiss the tailors as they are basically done now and they leave. "Do you know how fucking lucky you are Alessandro?" I ask loudly and he actually flinches. "Do you know how lucky you are to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard? That makes you actually want to fight? When I get shot or injured all I fight for is a fucking business. A business in which as soon as I die, I will be replaced. Yes we have family but they love me because they had to. I have nothing to fucking fight for. Sometimes I wish I got shot. When I get shot, you're all worried but sometimes I'm laying there not a care in the world. You don't understand what that feels like. You have your wife and your daughter and your friends but I have none of that Alessandro. Of course I'm fucking depressed all the time. I have no one. I have nothing." I said as he stared at me in disbelief. I walked out of the room.

I want someone to care about and for them to care about me. And not because they feel like they have to but because they chose to. Not just because they're my family but because they got to know me and actually want to. Someone I know I can trust. I don't want anything to be forced. If it's forced it won't be real, and I need it to be real. I've been feeling this for so long and I've felt like just giving up so many times but I can't. I won't. Because I know there's someone out there who will.

•••••

After I went into my room that day, I canceled all of my meetings for the rest of the day, worked out in my home gym for at least 3 hours, and spent at least 4 hours in the shooting range and knife throwing. I don't know what else there is to do when I'm frustrated, so that's what I've always done and they usually seem to calm me. Only sometimes though.

Although now, my work takes over as we have the masquerade we are forced to attend later today. These events are known to be quite problematic. Such as the masquerade of 1997 where the wife of the leader of the Serbian mafia was kidnapped. Or the one in 1986 where the leader of the Spanish, which at the time was Alvaro's father who was very young, was shot and almost died.

These have an age limit, and because of this, it's actually Allegra's first one. I'm nervous to take her. It's only going to be her, Aless, and me. We have to go, and we have to be at least three people for who knows what reason, but Aless is not putting Sofia in danger and we are not putting Lia or our parents in danger and Allegra volunteered to come.

As I finish getting ready, mamma comes into my room. She walks up to me saying "You know, I remember going to my first one of these. I was barely 20, barely dating your father, and he was nervous to take me. Naturally, because of this job, and when we were there, something happened and there ended up being a shoot out. We were both fine and it was apparently targeted at the Russian, but after that, your father never wanted to take me anywhere. He wanted to keep me at home all the time because he thought it was safest. But he would never think of himself. He would go out everywhere , no bodyguards or anything. So I talked to him  about it. How was he trying to take care of other people and plan a future with me if he wasn't even taking care of himself?" I noticed where this was going and I just nodded, my eyebrows furrowed. She began adjusting my tie as she finished. "So today, above all, protect yourself. If anything happens, fight for yourself. Stay safe." With that, she hugged me and walked out.