I stayed home. Not actually alone though. We have a cat, Bear. Not always the most lovable creature, but she can purr with the best of them and does like attention. She was my date Saturday night. Truth is, I needed time away from people to rethink this writing project.
I'm giving up on chronicling the past. Few care about it anyway and there's so much going on in the present — that's where my attention needs to be — so, an Autobiography of Now. I'm trying to write my way back into the moment. That's where I think the trickster energy, showing up in coyotes, is steering me.
Maybe what I've already written will allow me to be perceived as a reliable narrator. The one story I had to tell in this life was done in Sticky Karma, so, no more dwelling on the past other than to illustrate a point or mark the growth (or lack of it) of the main character, the narrator, me.
And so I stayed home with Bear on a Saturday night, put some music on, moved and stretched a bit. Gave her some attention and realized exactly where some wires in me have crossed: I can confuse taking care of with caring! They get jumbled up inside me by habit, responsibility, routine, and periodic shutdown due to emotional overwhelm.
Then, sitting in a glide chair with Bear, munching on grapes that Susan bought and reminded me to eat, I figured out something else about what I once knew: I don't mind having a schedule as long as I can abandon it from time to time. That's the key for me to get back to caring again and not just getting stuck in taking care of mode.
With that in mind, I do what I seldom do. I turn on my old flip phone and type, one letter at a time, this message to Susan: "Eating grapes, loving you." I could have used Messenger and have said more, but she would know, might even feel, the slow caring with such deliberate method.
Faded moon disappears in a crowd of clouds.
Silence like water spreads around me.
Nothing here for me to do.
I always wanted more than I got
had more than I knew.
Wanting to love the All through the One,
not the one through the all.
What I believe in is what forms the altar,
alters the form, for my love.
YOU ARE READING
Who Dad?!
Ciencia FicciónAfter a revealing search for his birth mother, Lee declined to pursue the paternal side of the story. Little did he know how the fate of the planet itself was wrapped up in his own star-crossed origin. Only through the unexpected appearance of an al...
