Falling For Henry Cavill

Only the Beginning

A few weeks after the wedding ceremony

I was up early one morning mostly because I wanted some time to read the scriptures before Ana, who was only a month old, woke up. Praying to my heavenly father and bearing my soul in forgiveness as I had done countless of times since the "incident", I felt an overwhelming sense of someone, a being, lifting the burden of my transgression off my chest and shoulders.

My whole body lowered itself more towards the ground in deep humility and reverence on its own and my eyes drowned in overflowing tears. I knew my savior was there with me. I could feel his presence and knew that he had forgiven me. I knew that he cared for me enough to listen to my prayer, to come to my aid and let me know that He had forgiven me. I suddenly realized that the power of his atonement- the power of His sacrifice for me-allowed me to witness and experience firsthand the effects of true repentance and His forgiveness.

I could not stop crying. Henry came through the bathroom door, crouched down beside me, and held me for a while.

-"Are you alright? What is the matter? Are you in pain?" I could not repond, but I shook my head no. He leaned in and pushed my hair off my face.

-"Then what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He wondered aloud as he crouched beside me and put his arms around me. It took me a while but finally decided to say something so he would stop asking questions.

" I am fine. I am just joyful. These are tears of joy, tears of assurance and faith." My voice was still shaky and out of breath, but I spoke up. He looked confused and I knew he would not understand if I explained for if I explained he would surely doubt and think me crazy.

Though I desired to tell him my experience and what I felt, I could only witness to him that Christ lives and does forgive us our sins when we go to him with a real desire to repent and be forgiven. I knew that for him to know such a thing he would have to experience it for himself. He simply helped me up and said,

-"I do not doubt that you believe it."

-"I do not believe it Henry; I know it. There is a difference between knowing and believing something. When you believe you are not sure something, but you hope and believe that it is true. When you know something, it is because you have lived it, experienced it and learned for yourself that it is true which is why we place so much emphasis on gaining a testimony of Christ and sharing those testimonies." I spoke a bit too hastily and grew more passionate with every word I uttered because he was raising his eyebrows at me, and his eyes were as wide as he could open them.

-"I am sorry; I did not mean to...you know." I began to apologize fervently and could not explain exactly what I was apologizing for.

"No, I do not; go ahead, tell me. What did you not mean to do?" He coaxed me, so that I would explain. He always urged me to explain the things of my religion so that we could have discussions that ended in elaborate discussions about right snd wrong. And although he did not disagree with any of the teachings and respected my religion, he would end the discussion with a statement about how God is everywhere and in everything and that we did not need secular religion to have access to His power.

-"I did not mean to bring religion up. I was merely answering a question and explaining the difference between believing and knowing. Now, if I did get a little loud and passionate as you may say, because of it then I apologize. I did not mean to." I gloated in my ability to reason myself out of the insinuating claim.