Johnlock all the way (Johnlock oneshots)

The Effects of Milk Shortage

"Sherl! Could you head to the store? We've run out of milk again!"

"Impossible, I distinctly remember leaving some in the fridge as I had a feeling that you'd ask sooner or later."

"Fine, let me check... Oh, bollocks! SHERLOCK! I told you NOT to store another head in there!"

"After I finish my ongoing experiment, I'll attend to your request. Not sooner, not later, I promise. Now, would you be so kind and fetch some groceries, too?"

"Hell no! Who do you think you are to give orders?"

"You should obey. If I recall correctly, you used to be a soldier."

"And I obeyed my superiors, which you're not. No, don't even argue or you'll regret it."

"I really must protest, given the fact that..."

"Let's see... I've been doing the shopping for the past month. Could you at least fill in for once?"

"I did, I bought some apples yesterday."

"Haha, very funny. We're past your 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' joke."

"Seriously, Johnnyboy, I can't go."

"As far as I'm concerned, nothing is blocking you, but your idleness."

"Johnnyboy..."

"Don't 'Johnnyboy' me. It's your turn."

"I was at the store yesterday."

"On which planet does one month equal just one day?"

"Earth?"

"Rhetorical question."

"Then don't waste my time asking."

"You piece of... You know what? I will have black coffee and tea unless you admit that it's your turn."

"Fine, I accept the challenge."

._. A week later ._. 

Mycroft's phone buzzed. He reluctantly checked the caller ID, annoyed at being interrupted at work, but his irritation turned into warm happiness.

"Gregory, love, good afternoon!"

"Hiya, Myc! Listen, I really didn't want to disturb you at work, but it's an emergency."

"Emergency? Please, tell me more."

"Well, the thing is, I've been talking to Sherlock and John recently about a case – you know, the one I mentioned yesterday – and they've been so... hyped."

"Ah, that's not surprising given recent events."

"Really? You sent your agents to spy on their date? Again? No need to respond, I can practically hear the smirk. Anyway, their behavior has been odd. Sherlock's behavior is expected, but John? He's been trembling, moving around constantly, and babbling... Maybe you could be a responsible brother and check up on them? Just five minutes, go take a look around their flat."

"Absolutely not, that would take away precisely five minutes from our time!"

"Please, Myc! I promise you'll get a little reward!"

"Gregory, I am not a dog that follows commands for treats."

"Even if the treat is your favorite goldfish?"

"...fine."

"Thank you, babe! See you!"

Mycroft sighed and called for Anthea to bring him his usual '221B Visit Kit,' consisting of painkillers for his headaches, duct tape for Sherlock's mouth, sedatives, small mini cameras, and tiny microphones in case he decided to bug their flat.

._.

"Ohohooo, Microsoft, Mycroft, do come come come in. Hi! What's up? The weather's quite intense... intenso... Corso intenso! Hahahaha!"

"Microsoft! HAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD, JOHN! HAHAHAHA!"

Mycroft was taken aback by their incredibly childish behavior. After a quick assessment, he determined that neither of them had consumed drugs, though...

"Brother mine, boyfriend of my brother dear, how long have you been out of dairy products, including milk to reduce the effects of your caffeine intake?"

"Ahahaha, looong! It's John's fault!"

"Me? You see, this stubborn idiot decided it's my duty to go shopping, so I refused!"

"Me? Stubborn? Excuse me if my sense of justice is too strong!"

"What kind of sense of justice claims that one month is the same as one occasion?"

Mycroft watched them argue a bit longer, then turned dramatically and left. He called one of his men to buy six cartons of milk and assured Greg via text message that the problem was solved.