One In The Same - Jess Mariano

Everyone Knew But Me

  Y/N enters the diner and walks straight towards the stairs before Luke steps directly into her path.

  "Woah, are you okay, what's the hurry? I thought you were staying at Lorelai's tonight,"

  "Why are you rambling like a crazy person? I just need to see Jess, Christopher came by to check on Rory. Now, if you don't mind-" Y/N tries to step around Luke, but he keeps moving like he's guarding the curtain.

  "He's here?" Luke sounds fuming, "The nerve of that man, after everything he's done,"

  "He can check on his daughter - other daughter - if she's been in an accident, I can't really get mad for that. I just wish I didn't have to be there the time he paid a visit but what can you do? Anyway, are you hiding something or what?"

  "What the hell are you talking about?" Y/N rolls her eyes at him, moving again to try and move past him and he steps into the way again.

  "That!" Y/N throws her arms up wildly, "You, dancing around the doorway like you're a teenage boy who's not so subtly got a girl stashed in his room or something, why can't I go upstairs. I do live here you know,"

  "Of course I know that. It's just-"

  "Luke it's been a long day, I just want to see Jess. Clearly today is not applicable for sticking to the 'avoiding' plan, so let me go and see him," She puts her hands on her hips.

  "He's not here, Y/N," Luke sighs. The girl tilts her head in confusion, prompting him to go on, but the man stays silent.

  "Are we playing 20 questions, where is he?" Luke puts a hand on the girls arm, sighing once again. She flinches away, feeling her stomach starting to churn. "Luke, why won't you talk to me, just tell me what's happening,"

  "He's gone," The whole world feels like it just vanished right beneath her feet. Like the air around her just shattered from strong tension to a surreal stillness. Y/N's throat dries up completely and her brain refuses to acknowledge that what has just been said is even real.

  "What? Where did he go?"

  "I wanted to talk with you in the morning, that's why I asked Lorelai to-"

  "You knew! And Lorelai, you both knew about this whole thing. You kicked him out!" She feels the rage transform from a bubbling feeling to a thrashing series of waves. "Everyone knew but me!"

  "No, I-"

  "You told me you believed him! It was an accident he didn't do anything wrong-"

  "Y/N-"

  "Why would you do this? Why would he... He wouldn't just leave like this" She keeps shaking her head, her broken voice fades into an incoherent blubbering. "Why does everyone leave?"

  Luke pulls her into a tight embrace, rocking side to side as she shakes like a leaf. Y/N just stays in the warmth of it, feeling her tears wetting Luke's flannel shirt.

  "First my mom and now... It's like I'm not enough... Or just too much," Luke shakes his head, and strokes the girl's hair.

  "I think you're just right, if you ask me," Luke hushes. They stay attached together, like two pieces of the same puzzle. "How about I get you a grilled cheese?" She just nods, not trusting her voice.

-

  Y/N finally felt that she was prepared to go up to the apartment. Opening the door, she can feel the tears starting to well in her eyes again, but she tells herself to just breathe through it. She looks over at Jess' side of the room, all the drawers are open - he clearly left in a rush. Most of his stuff is still here, it just seems as though he took some clothes and books. Y/N sits on the bed, and falls down to lie on her back, sink into the sheets.

  Everything still smells like him.

  She lies there for a minute, just staring at the ceiling, noticing the chips in the paint, the few delicate cobwebs.

  When she finally sits back up, her eyes scan the room attentively. Everything looks the same, but the energy is all wrong. She felt as though her mind was playing tricks on her. The entire world felt desaturated - from screaming colour, to muted tones veering towards black and white. It was all dull... lifeless.

  The couch has an indentation, a mean reminder of what once was. She flips the seat off, as if it will change itself, remove the evidence of memories it holds and become just a simple chair. Y/N knows it is all meaningless in the end, nothing she could do would make this alright, nothing would change what happened.

  Her observation is suddenly halted when something on her own bed catches her eyes. Something that wasn't there when she left, or at least she doesn't think so.

  Y/N scatters off Jess' bed- what used to be his bed at least, and she approaches hers. When she finally gets close enough, her heart feels as though it stopped beating completely. It's like a full out of body experience, as though she were viewing herself from a bird's eye perspective.

  It's a book... It's the book.

  A yellow sticky note has scrawlings all over it. A mess of crossed out words, unreadable. At the very bottom, only one word remains untouched. His handwriting, spelling out just one phrase.

  'I'm really sorry'

  "Are you fucking kidding me?" All she can see is red.