One In The Same - Jess Mariano

You, The World and Myself

In the shadows of Stars Hollow, the small town's typical charm masked an undercurrent of tension. Jess Mariano, brooding and fueled by jealousy, was staring at his pile of boxes in the room he never got to spend a night in. The construction hadn't concluded before he had run off back to New York. Most of his belongings had gathered dust, and a lot of stuff wasn't packed up at all, rather scattered around the room.

He slumped on the bed that was tucked into the corner, feeling too many emotions resulting in his body shaking and his head pounding.

It had been a short while that he lay in silence, eyes closed and body slowly starting to relax when a knocking sound came. He couldn't even find it within himself to respond or move, all he did was just open his eyes so he was now staring up at the blank white ceiling.

A few seconds pass before the door creaks open. "Jess?" The female voice sounds weak, and is very low in volume, as though Y/N wasn't sure if he was even conscious enough to be aware of her presence. "Are you awake?"

Masked in the darkness of his room, he closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep. He doesn't have the energy to have whatever conversation is happening. "I'm so sorry, Jess..." The words come out so softly that if it wasn't for the eerie quiet of the apartment, it probably wouldn't be audible at all. The door gently clicks shut, and footsteps can be heard retreating, then a door opening and closing.

Jess releases a breath he didn't realise he was holding, and throws an arm over his eyes. The room remains shrouded in shadows, the only source of light sneaking through the edges of the drawn curtains. Jess lies still, contemplating the echoes of Y/N's apology. The weight of her words lingers in the air, heavy with unspoken emotions.

As the minutes pass, Jess hears the distant sounds of the town outside, the rhythmic bumbling of life from the wedding goers in the town square that continues regardless of the turmoil within his room. He contemplates whether he can keep up this facade, feigning sleep to avoid facing the complexities of the situation. He has stuff to say, and he feels as though his brain is in better working condition now to form his thoughts into words.

Eventually, a hesitant knock on the door interrupts the silence. Jess tenses, wondering if Y/N has returned or if it's someone else. The door opens, and this time, the footsteps approach. Softly, slowly, as if testing the waters.

"Jess," Y/N's voice breaks through the darkness again, cautious and filled with regret. "I know you're awake. Can we talk, please?"

Against his instincts, Jess sighs and sits up, running a hand through his disheveled hair. "What's there to talk about?"

Y/N enters the room, her eyes searching his face for any sign of openness. "Everything. I never meant to hurt you like this."

Jess leans back against the headboard, his gaze fixed on a distant point. "It's too late for apologies, Y/N."

She takes a step closer, a silent plea in her eyes. "I just want you to understand. Things got complicated, and I never wanted to hurt you. All I wanted was to stop hurting. Everything felt so empty when you left, and I was angry at you. At the world... at myself,"

Jess remains silent, a mixture of frustration and resignation evident in his expression. Y/N sits on the edge of the bed, a palpable tension hanging between them.

"I care about you, Jess," Y/N continues softly. "I want to know what it all means for you to be coming back. Not the idealistic version of events but the reality of it all,"

The room seems to constrict around them as they navigate the emotional minefield. Jess wrestles with conflicting emotions – the hurt, the betrayal, and a lingering desire to salvage what's left.

In the quiet town, where secrets fester so subtly and wounds run deep, Jess and Y/N grapple with the aftermath of choices made and the uncertain path that lies ahead.

"You said there was something here that made you want to come back. Does what I did change all that? Can you really not forgive me for the stupid stuff that I did because my emotions took control over my body?" Y/N looks into Jess' eyes, begging for an answer.

"Do you actually regret what you did with him? I know more than anyone that, no matter what, you wouldn't have thrown 'that' away unless it was for real,"

"I think you're underestimating how much I was hurting. Nothing mattered anymore, and I wasn't myself. But when you said that outside... said that you don't recognise the person I've become, that wasn't fair," As Y/N speaks, Jess flinches slightly at the raw pain in her voice.

"I shouldn't have said that. I should have just walked away and let my brain process everything, it's just... Nobody could have been worse than him. It felt like you did it to spite me, like you wanted me to hurt as much as I had hurt you - as if I wasn't tearing myself apart from the inside trying to get rid of the guilt in my stomach after I left," Jess says.

Y/N's eyes glisten with unshed tears as she listens, her emotions laid bare. "Jess, I regret hurting you more than I can express. I was lost, drowning in my own pain, and I made a mistake. It wasn't about him, or you... It was about me trying to escape everything."

Jess rubs his temples, caught in the internal struggle of understanding and resentment. "I can't erase the images from my mind. All I can think about is him and you... Y/N, I- I believe you, and I'm sorry for blowing up in the way I did," Jess looks at her hand that she extended out into the gap between them, contemplating the fragile bridge they stand upon. "I need time, Y/N. Trust isn't something that comes back overnight. But maybe, with time, we can figure this out,"

Y/N nods in understanding, her heart still feeling low and cracking. "I'll give you a million minutes if that is how long it takes for you to trust me again," She repeats his own words from only a few days prior before getting up from his bed and walking out of the room.