Kingdom Of Cards: chpt 2 N.S. story

tell me you're sorry

Noah's POV
Ellie, where are you ?

Ellie what happened earlier was a dark chapter in my life that I never wanted to talk about again.

Plz call me

Ellie, are you okay?

I'm gonna call you.

"Nick, she's not responding. " I said staring at my phone. "Call her. " I nodded before searching for her number and called.

RING RING RING RING RING RING
"Hi! This Eleanor, leave me a message" I rolled my eyes before leaving a message. "Babe it's me. Please call me back. I don't understand what happened earlier but, now you know a little more about me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, please just let me know your ok.
Love you, bye." I then hung up.

"I hope she's ok" I mumbled looking out the window as rain slowly started to fall. "Yeah... she shouldn't have hit you though. " Nick says as we pulled into our driveway. "She didn't know " I said before opening the door.
"Yeah, it was just... unexpected to say the least." He says as we were greeted by a concerned looking Folio.
"Why are you here? " He says with wide eyes.
"What?" I questioned as he shows us his phone. "Eleanor's on the other line." I quickly take it from him and said "Eleanor babe? Where are you at" "Noah, you don't want this do you?" She questions as I let the now pouring rain fall all over me. "What are talking about? Eleanor this is all I've wanted." "Noah, we're not legally married so why don't we just move on? We can't have kids together, your constantly depressed, and I'm wanted much more than your offering."
"Ellie, please don't do this. I'll try again for you, we've been trying for the last week! " I was so scared of what she was gonna do. "Noah, you're constantly freaking out over having a baby again, so I'll just find a man who wants a family... You're not meant for that life, so just stay in the one you chose. I've gotta go... Goodbye Noah"
"ELEANOR? ELLIE? Ellie? " I questioned as the phone read DISCONNECTED. "She broke up with me " I said as the guys just stared at me. "What?" Folio asked as I slowly walked past him and into our house.
My soaking wet self led a puddle of water all over the entrance as I went upstairs to my room. I grabbed some clothes from my basket and walked into the bathroom, locking the door.
I was silently crying as I turned on the shower, but what was strange is that I didn't want to slice my wrist, I wanted to vent out physically instead. I removed my clothes and got in the shower, the water was cool but it felt good at the moment.

I let the water soak up all over me before I slowly sat down against the wall. Putting my knees up to my chest and buried my face into my lap as the cool water ran down my body. I was devastated, but part of me was in disbelief. As I sat there in silence, I had a flashback....

"I know it hurts honey, but we'll be together again someday, I promise. " I held Nana's hand as her skin was yellow and dry. "Nana, please keep fighting, I don't want you to leave." I whispered as she rubbed my thumb.
"I'm gonna try baby." We smiled at each other again before I looked at the clock above her hospital bed.
"You gotta get back to school, sweetie" she whispered as I stood up, still holding her hand. "Yeah, but I'll be Nana okay? " "Okay honey. Thank you for spending your break with granny" she jokes as I kissed her cheek. "I love you Nana " ....

END FLASHBACK
I was crying at the memory of her sweet eyes. Later that day was when Paddy told me she had died. That day was probably the worst day of my life, not only did I lose Nana but I almost lost my life. I tried to commit suicide and Paddy was ready to kill me, but for whatever reason I'm still here.

I was broke from my thoughts when I heard Folio knock on the door.
"Noah, you good?" He calls. "I'm fine, Folio " I replied as he just says a quick "Okay " and leaves me alone.

This was like a repeat of my youth.
I just lost the person I loved most, I was alone emotionally, I wanted to drown in my misery, and I was weak.
I don't know what to do anymore, is it worth it? To keep trying when all this life does is tear you down till your a shattered frame? Or will it build you up, higher than the skyscrapers until the entire world knows who you are? I really don't believe either of them.

"God? I've made mistakes, I've made wrong decisions, I've lied, I've stolen from and I've let the best of me show, but I never stopped believing you'd fix me. So I ask you today, please heal me of my every wrong doing, depression, hopelessness, unhappiness, and selfishness Father please help me. I'm calling to you for help. I really need your help....."