The Worst Choice of my Life (a Gratsu fanfic)

Pt. 13

I was sitting on a chair. My elbow was resting on the cabinet surface next to me while my head was in the palm of my hand. I had a slight smile on my face as I watched in amusement how a certain lightning god slayer's face reddened by the minute. Minerva had her hands on her hips, standing in front of the lightning mage and towered him as he was sitting down. She was leaning forward a bit to add emphasis to her words. She had one eyebrow raised and a frown on her face as she continued to try and get the wizard's secret out.

"What do you mean no?! Yukino asked you this morning and you said you did!" She asked him both anger and calmness radiating from her voice at the same time.

"Yukino told you!?" Now Orga was getting mad too. He stood up. "I knew I couldn't trust her!"

I laughed silently. Yukino was usually a nice girl so people knew they could open up to her but she is on good terms with m'lady so you never know what she'll do with that information.

"Alright look. Sting likes Rogue, you like Rufus. If we work together, we can make them fall for you guys instead of each other!" The usually calm and collective mage starts to raise her voice.

Orga opened his mouth and closed it a couple times before giving up with a counter-argument.

"We're back!" The three of us ran to greet Yukino, guess we were more excited to hear the news than I originally thought.

Yukino was in a happy mood, which should be a good sign. I saw Rogue and Rufus' hands intertwined. I felt like puking. "Excuse me." I mumbled, dashing out of the hall through the group, completely forgetting about the whole plan.

'I need to get away' was the only thing on my mind.

I used my magic to give me a boost so that I could move faster. I felt tears brim my eyes and silent sobs escape my mouth. Flashbacks flooded into me of when it was just the 2 of us and I let the tears fall, knowing I was far enough from the town now. I landed on the side on one of the surrounding mountains and ran to one of my favourite spots in to town.

It was a cliff; a little piece of platform that came out of the mountain. This side of the mountain turned its back to the town so you could see the view of the outside world here. It was high enough so that it'd take days to hike up here so I was isolated. I came here sometimes at night and during the day to just breathe in the air. The oxygen up here was different then the one near the ground. Because of the high altitude, oxygen was scarcer here. It was thinner but since nobody really comes up here, I don't feel like I have to fight for survival. I closed my eyes and let my tears run free, flowing down my face like steady rivers, and sobs escape which contradicts the relaxed moving tears by making my body unstable. Every now and then I had the urge to scream so I let those out too. Up here, nobody could hear me, it was like in the shower last night. Even though crying up here will cause a loss of oxygen, it felt better than anything. Here, I didn't have to worry about the troubles of having someone see me and being questioned. Nobody would find me by accident.

After a few minutes, my sobs started to weaken and my voice felt dry from screaming. I wiped off my tears and controlled my breathing. I slowly took in the fresh yet scarce oxygen and let out shaky breaths of carbon dioxide. The air - even though tasteless - had a soothing flavour that felt nice in my mouth and against my skin. Once I got complete control of my breathing once again and managed to get it to calm down, I slowly opened my eyes. Many unshed tears still filled then making my vision a little glossy. However, due to the unfocused sight, the mountains and nature looked stunning. Whatever light that could be seen was shining with a round pixel. Through the tears, the scene before me looked like a beautiful pixelized mosaic of shining circles.

I ended up staying there for a couple more hours and started heading back just before sunset; yes, it would've been amazing if I could just sit there and watch the sunset turn into my favourite time of day and stargaze the rest of the night but I remembered I promised to hang out with Natsu later.

I decided to take a bit longer to admire the scenery while heading back, contrary to the way up here. I used my magic a few times but other than that, I walked.

"Sting!" I looked up, trying to locate the source of the voice. I smiled warmly.

"Hey Natsu!" I waved. He ran over to me and tackled me in a hug. I laughed at his idoicy.

The salamander got off me and we just sat there, in the middle of the road. We stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I.." I looked away, not knowing if it was okay to bring this up. "I heard about what happened.. with Gray.." I said, cautiously. I turned back to see his reaction. He was smiling lightly and looking up to the now orange sky.

"I'm over it now. I'm with Lisanna actually, have been for a few months." He said, looking back down at me. I let out a sigh of relief. "I overheard the plan Yukino had with talking to Rogue and Rufus..what's wrong? They seem pretty happy together." 

I was startled by the question. As I said before, the two ladies of Sabertooth were the only ones who knew about my little (huge) crush on my partner. I examined him. 'Natsu's not the same idiot who only knows how to overdo a battle anymore. He's experienced love and even rejection now. If anyone could give me some answers, it's him.'

"Well, Yukino and Minerva are the only ones who knows this so they're kinda on my side. I love Rogue and it really hurts to see him so happy with someone else. Because of this, I lose my own health and since Yukino and Minerva are really good friends of mine, they decided to help me. But I really don't want it. What I want is to be able to move on. I want to learn how to accept and deal with the fact that the person I'm currently in love with will never be mine. But I don't know how. That's why I'm letting the girls do their thing." I admitted. I looked down and let my eyes trace the cracks in the brick-layered floor.

I saw Natsu raise his gaze back the the sky again. "You're being blinded. Because all you can think about is that person, you lose sight of everything around you. If you just stop every once in a while and allow you to take in the beauty of others as well, you'll be able to move on. That's how I did it. I was blocking out any other thoughts of someone else being even remotely close to the person I loved and that blinded me from the true beauty of other people. There are so many amazing people out there but if you keep comparing them to the person you love or once loved, then you're bound to miss something. Stop thinking that that person is the only one for you or that they're perfect because nobody is. If you're able to control those thoughts, try and stop them every once in a while. Over time, you'll find that you'll be able to love other people too and sooner or later, you'll find someone else who will be happy to yours." He finished by closing his eyes.

I looked up from my previous spot and saw that he shed some tears. I smile at him slightly before looking back down and smiling to myself. I memorized the main meaning of what he said and was determined to follow it.

I'll move on. And then Minerva and Yukino can finally leave Rogue alone. We'll both be happy. Right?