Fallen angel

19.Myers-Present

"Memories with the right people will always remain priceless"

——

I left the Mori Mansion early in the morning and arrived to New York at 6:00 am.

When i arrived home everyone was sleeping. Dad was probably at the corporate because he wasn't home.

I changed from the bloodstained dress shirt that i had covered with my coat, into grey sweatpants,a white tank top and a grey cardigan.

The morning air was refreshing because of the rain that had fallen yesterday.

I went to the garden and sat in the swing  under the  fig tree.

Because of the movement, the tree leaves were spraying water on me but i don't mind.

I love the calm after the storm. It's peaceful. I can replay the most beautiful moments of my life.

I have a lot just like i have a lot of horrible moments.

I replay my favourite: The last day of 8th grade, when i was with my friends, dunking water on each other and laughing with no worries about the world.

Or the summer camp after that day at the church. The church never forced religion into us, thats why all of my class was religious cause there was no religion trauma. We would play games and talk how it was going to be when we are long distance.

Honestly i miss my friends so much. From that class i have only Stella,Estella and Donna here. I miss Estella's sister, little Elona, who is the perfect definition of an ambivert. A smart girl who loves books, art and looks like her sister with wavy brown hair and freckles that were covered by her glasses.

I guess i'm homesick. Even though i have my family here i still miss the freedom of being me. Here, i'm expected to be the perfect daughter: Straight A's, always dressed nicely and with manners. I miss being wild.

I miss playing soccer with the guys and pulling pranks on teachers that would get us suspended from the school trip.

I miss our last school trip in Prishtine, Kosovo and the bus trip. We had so much fun that i was convinced that the smile had stayed so long on my face that it would become permanent.

From the moment i met Madden, i don't know, i felt like myself. Last night when i killed those men, he didn't look at me like a monster. Probably cause only a monster can understand another monster. But i've seen it.

He's different with me. Other people are afraid of him but i can't see why i'm not scared or uncomfortable. Every celebration i've attended where he was there, he only talked to his family but outside of it, he only talked to me

He even smiles with me. SMILES

And after last night... I don't know what i'm feeling. It isn't love, it can't be. But still he has the effect to make my heart beat faster.

I know he's obsessed with me but do i have the same effect on him as he has on me?

Ugh.. Maybe i need to visit a doctor cause maybe it is a heart condition. This sounds more logical.

My Doberman, Chaos and my black cat, Blake, rush to me the moment they see me.

I always pet them before i go to sleep.

They missed me.

I have a lot of people i miss too. I get them.